Stand and Deliver
by Dr.Indigo
Summary: While attending the funeral of an old friend, Queen Star of Mewni tells her young daughters the story of how she and her old classmates unlocked the mysterious power of the Stand, and how her adventures on Earth went from being weird and wild to crazy, noisy, and down right bizarre. (Takes place in the same timeline as my Wander over Yonder Series)
1. Prologue

Hello everybody and welcome to the first chapter of my exciting new fanfiction series. But before we get started, there's a few things I'd like to go over. Firstly, although I called this a crossover in my epilogue of The Final Problem, I'd like to clarify that it's more of a spiritual crossover rather than a full one. What I mean is, I've mainly just introduced the concept of Stands into the Star vs. Universe, no characters from Jojo will actually appear in this series. Though I will make references whenever possible. Secondly, Star vs the Forced of Evil is owned by Disney and Stands are the creation of the brilliant and talented Hirohiko Araki. So with all that out of the way, enjoy.

Stand and Deliver: Prologue.

( _Echo Creek, California: May 12, 2046_ )

It was very early in the afternoon, and the sky was colored a bleak a dreary grey.

Rain was coming down in a light drizzle and the cloud cover was so thick that it prevented even the tiniest sliver of sunlight from reaching the ground below.

In short, it was a downright miserable Saturday.

Which I suppose was all too appropriate, considering that a good man died on Monday.

In the shadow of a small, slightly rundown stone cathedral, three figures stood in silence.

The tallest and most notable of the trio was a woman who, by all appearances, did not belong in this day and age. Everything about her, from her soft, delicate features, to her exquisite black dress, to the elaborate upward style of her snow-white hair, seemed to evoke a sense of 17th Century French Baroque. In fact, the only thing that didn't follow this pattern was the pair of light pink hearts that adorned the strange woman's cheeks.

On either side of the white-haired beauty, stood a smaller child; a pair of twin girls, each looking about the age of thirteen. However, unlike their taller chaperone, their black dresses were not quite as fancy and their blonde hair flowed freely down past their shoulders. And although the two were nearly identical to each other, there was one slight difference; the one on the left had purple diamonds on her cheeks, while the one on the right had little pink teacups.

The three of them stood out in the rain without the protection of umbrellas and yet miraculously none of them got wet. For every time a single droplet got within a certain distance of any of them, it would instantly turn to snow and drift away.

An amazing sight to be sure, but nothing that unusual for Star the Snow Queen.

" _This_ is your favorite dimension?" said the diamond cheeked girl, finally breaking the silence. "This place is a dump."

"Artemis, I've warned you about…"

"No, Mummy, she's got a point. This place is horrid." Said the other girl, her voice much more posh and refined. "Why are we here? And why do we have to wear these icky black dresses?"

"Marisol, how many times must I tell you; Princesses do not whine."

"There you go, changing the subject just like you always do. Classic Queen Butterfly."

"Artemis, I'm warning you. One more smart remark and I'll…"

"You'll what? Make one of the servants give me a spanking?"

"Don't think I won't."

"Oh, come on! First you wake us up at five in the morning to get fitted for these ugly dresses. Then you say you're _finally_ letting us go to another dimension, only to take us to this dreary place. And now you expect us to just keep quiet and go along with this, even though you _still_ haven't told us what the heck's going on. Well I've had it! I'm not moving one inch until you tell me what's up!"

"Young lady, I…"

"No, she's right, Mummy. I'm sorry, but we deserve an explanation."

"Yeah, so fess up, Mom!"

"Ugh… you two are just so infuriating!" the whitehaired queen said in complete exasperation, before calming herself with a quick cleansing breath. "Though I suppose that's partly my fault."

"What?" both girls said simultaneously; clearly thrown by this sudden shift in tone.

Building off this momentum, Queen Butterfly, in a rare lapse of her practiced, rigid facade, knelt down so that she was at eyelevel with her daughters and allowed them to see a side of herself that few had seen for quite some time.

"Oh, my dear children. I've kept you so sheltered all these years. Is it any wonder you've turned out the way you have?" She said in a somber, almost remorseful tone. "My poor, sweet Marisol. Your father and I have done you no favors by coddling you the way we have. And as for you, Artemis, my little rebel princess. So desperate to see the universe, and yet because of me, you've never stepped farther than the kingdom next door. I fear I've failed you both as a mother."

"Oh no, Mummy. Don't say that." Said young Marisol, clearly taken aback by her mother's rather shocking confession. "You're ever so wonderful. At least, _I_ think you are."

"Way to put me on the spot, you spoiled little… Uh, I mean, yeah Mom. You're… the best."

"Yes, well, that's very sweet of you to say, girls." The Queen replied, half sarcastically. "But there's no need to spare my feelings. I know what I've done. I've kept you locked away in the castle like prisoners. I've denied you many of the liberties I enjoyed at your age. I've even lied to you about certain details regarding my past. And for all this I am deeply, deeply sorry."

Artemis opened her mouth to say something, but her mother quickly cut her off.

"But I hope you can understand, that I only did these things because I know from experience how dangerous the universe can be. And because, from the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew I would do anything, _anything_ , to keep you safe and alive. Even if it meant you'd grow up hating me."

"But we don't…"

"I know, dear. And for that I am most grateful." Queen Butterfly interrupted once again. "But still, the damage has been done. And that is why I've brought you here. In the hopes that it can be undone before it's too late."

"Too late?" Artemis parroted as a certain, unpleasant thought suddenly forced its way to the forefront of her brain. "Mom… are you… _dying_?"

Fortunately, the Queen's response to this question was a short bit of dry, yet oddly reassuring laughter.

"No dear, I assure you, I'm quite well." She said with a strange sort of half smile. "Actually, my reasons for bringing you here are a bit more… complicated. Though I shall try my best to simplify."

The Queen paused for a moment, most likely to collect her thoughts, before she continued.

"Girls, you're… growing up, and as much as I might like to, I can't stop that from happening. But what I can do, what I should've done from the beginning, is help prepare you for what's to come."

Both princesses felt a chill run down their spines as their mother went on.

"As you already know, your birthday's just a few months away. Pretty soon you'll both be fourteen. And when that day comes, it will be my responsibility to pick which one of you will take my place and become the next Queen of Mewni."

Marisol opened her mouth to say something, but Queen Star quickly beat her to the punch.

"However, as it stands, bequeathing my Wand to either of you would be a disaster. You're both too insulated, too… ignorant of what the universe is really like. But I intend to change that. That's why I've made arrangements for you to live with some of my old friends over the next few months."

"You're sending us away?" asked Marisol nervously.

"Yes, but only until your birthday. I've learned from personal experience that some time spent in unfamiliar surroundings can give you a new perspective on things. And I'm hoping my friends can do a better job of preparing you for the future than I have." The snow-haired Queen said as her expression suddenly fell. "That's why I've brought you here. Earlier this week, one of my old friends from Earth died in his sleep, but thanks to your Father forgetting to pay the mirror bill this month, I only learned of this late last night. That's why I didn't tell you about any of this beforehand, and that's why I had to rush you this morning. Because I saw this as an opportunity to introduce you to some of the people you'll be living with."

"So… you're taking us to a funeral?" asked Artemis confusedly.

"Yes, dear. And that's why I had to get you fitted for those dresses. Black is the traditional color for mourning in this dimension."

"EWWW!" cried Marisol immaturely. "Mummy, I don't want to go to a funeral. Dead things are so gross and creepy."

"Like you've ever seen a dead body."

"I don't need to see one to know that they're icky."

"You think everything's icky."

"Oh yeah, well, your friends are all monsters!"

"Don't shout factual statements like they're insults!"

"I will if I want to!"

"Shut up!"

"No, you shut up!"

"No, you shut up!"

"Shut up! Shut up!"

"GIRLS!" said the snow-haired Queen in a stern, commanding voice; instantly silencing the both of them. "Now that will be quite enough of that. We are about to enter a funeral, not a birthday party. So there will be no more of your foolishness. Is that clear?"

"Yes ma'am." The two princesses answered in unison.

"Good."

"But listen, Mom, about the whole Queen thing. You can just give the Wand to Marisol. I don't even want that ugly old thing. I wanna be a Stand User."

At this, the Snow Queen stiffened ever so slightly.

"Artemis, that's… that's just not possible."

"Oh, come on! Don't give me that whole 'it's too dangerous' speech again! I thought you were gonna…"

"Artemis. Be quiet." The older woman said sternly; once again, instantly silencing her petulant daughter. "Now, as I was attempting to explain to you. It is highly unlikely that you or your sister will ever develop Stands. Stands are an incredibly rare ability that occur naturally only in this dimension, and only on this planet. As far as I know, Mewmans lack even the potential to develop Stands."

"But… all my friends have Stands. _You_ have a Stand."

"Yes dear, I know. But your friends are monsters, and monsters are… complicated. And as for myself, well… I was something of a freak accident."

"What do you mean?"

"Well… I'm afraid that's a rather long story." The snow-haired Queen said, before letting out a soft, almost reluctant sigh. "But, I suppose it's better you hear it from me, rather than one of the others."

Then, with a sort of dreamy look in her eyes, Queen Butterfly stood back up, and turned her gaze toward the ash colored heavens; as if doing so would suddenly open up a window to the past.

"It all began on the day I died."

End Notes:

Sorry if this Prologue was a bit dull, I promise the rest of the story will be funnier. Until then, thanks for reading and I'll you all in the next one. Peace.


	2. Chapter 1

Hello everybody and welcome to the first official chapter of my exciting new series. Just a couple of quick notes before we get started. Firstly, the bulk of this story, not including the prologue and epilogue, will take place after the events of "Running with Scissors" and before the events of "Mathmagic". However, like with my Wander over Yonder series, the plot will take a drastic turn from canon. So… be ready for anything. Secondly, Star vs the Forces of Evil is owned by Disney, but what else is new. Okay, now that that's out of the way. Enjoy.

Stand and Deliver: Chapter 1.

( _Echo Creek, California: Present Day_ )

"Ugh… humza… humza fa fa." Star muttered groggily as she slowly inched herself back into consciousness. "Sazza…sazzah… funny snake… wazzah."

" _Star_ … _Star_ …" said a familiar far away voice from somewhere out in the darkness. " _Star_ … _Star, wake up_ … _Please wake up_ …"

Even in her advanced state of semiconsciousness, Star could easily tell that the voice belonged to Marco Diaz, her best friend and, among other things, self-appointed bodyguard. Realizing this, she further deduced that, given the strange urgency in his voice, it must be Saturday morning. Which could only mean that his mom was busy making, in her humble opinion, the most delicious pancakes in the entire universe.

"Mmmmm…. Can I have strawberries with mine, please…"

" _Star_ … Star! Wake up!"

Almost instantly, the young princess' eyes snapped open and her vision filled with the familiar visage of her closest friend.

" _Yawn_ Morning Marco." She said warmly. "Is breakfast ready yet?"

"Star! Oh, thank goodness!" replied the young Latino, appearing to be on the verge of a full-scale panic attack. "Quick! How many fingers am I holding up? What's your middle name? Do you know what planet you're on?"

"Uh… okay. Let's see… Four, None of your business, and Earth." Star answered, clearly confused by this strange line of questioning. "Marco, what's the matter with you? You're acting all weirdy weird."

"Star, what's the last thing you remember?"

"Uh… I think… I think I was dreaming… about being bitten by a snake. Why? What happened?"

"You were hit by a car!"

"What?"

 ** _HONK!_**

 ** _HONK!_**

 ** _HONK!_**

 ** _HONK_**!

Star shot up like a spring as her senses returned and were instantly overwhelmed by a dreadful cacophony; somewhere, a car alarm was blaring like crazy. And as her eyes took in her strange new surroundings, the young princess quickly realized several important details.

Firstly, it was not Saturday morning, like she'd assumed, but rather Friday afternoon. Secondly, she was not in her bed at the Diaz residence, but rather she was on a stretcher in the back of an ambulance; to the right of her stood a female paramedic and to the left stood Marco, who, as previously stated, appeared to be having a panic attack. And lastly, the awful din was, as she suspected, coming from a nearby car; specifically, a blue sedan with a large dent on the hood and a cracked windshield.

Two men were standing in front of the vehicle. One was clearly a police officer. The other was dressed in a suit and tie. They were talking about something Star couldn't hear over the blaring horn, but judging by their expressions, it was clear that neither of them was enjoying the other's company.

"Star. Star!"

"Huh? Wha?" said the young princess clumsily as her friend's cry called her back to reality.

"I said, are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm… I'm fine. I was just… thinking about something."

"Okay, but you need to lie back down. We're gonna be heading to the hospital soon and…"

"Actually, that won't be necessary." Said the paramedic suddenly. "From what I can tell you're in perfect health, Ms. Butterfly. You can head home right now if you want."

" _What_?" went Marco, almost accusingly. "Are you out of your mind? She was hit by a car! She flew ten feet in the air! She landed on her face!"

"So you keep telling me. But as far as I can tell, this young woman is in perfect health. She has no signs of broken bones, no signs of bleeding, internal or otherwise, no signs of concussion or brain damage. Heck, there's not a scratch or bruise on her."

"But that's impossible! She wasn't moving! She was barely breathing!"

"Not according to Mr. Haddo, the owner of that sedan over there. He claims your friend stepped out in front of his car, forcing him to slam on the breaks. Then she fainted and you started freaking out."

" _Freak out_! I never _freak out_!" shouted the young Latino, already discrediting his own claim. "That guy! That Haddock or whatever is a barefaced liar!"

"Mind saying that a little louder next time, Chico?" said an unfamiliar voice from just across the way. "I don't think they heard you in Venezuela."

With a casual, almost smug demeanor, the owner of this new voice sauntered over towards the ambulance. Star immediately recognized him as the man from earlier. Only now that he was closer she got a much better look at him.

He was a tall, thin, skeleton of a man, with long lanky arms and a pair of legs to match. He had short blonde hair that was slicked back with some kind of gel and skin that made it look as though he'd been avoiding the sun for weeks. But despite that, Star had to admit that he had a fairly handsome face, and his dark brown eyes were like little mud colored jewels. However, what really stood out was his odor. He had a strong, almost overpowering scent that reminded her of that one time she stuck her head inside the teacher's lounge to see what it was like. To put it simply, this man smelled like death. Death and Cherries.

"And for the record, my name is Haddo. Oliver Haddo."

"Oh yeah, well my name is Diaz. Marco Diaz. And as long as we're putting things on the record, I'd like to point out that that 'Chico' comment was incredibly raciest."

"I know, that's why I said it, _Panchito_."

"You wanna start something, pal!"

"Nobody's starting anything." Said the officer as he strode up beside the obnoxious death-man. "And as for you, young lady. I'm gonna let you off with a warning. But next time, be more mindful while crossing the street. Okay?"

"Oh, um uh… okay, officer." Star replied clumsily, still not a hundred percent sure what was going on.

Unfortunately, Marco was not quite as willing to let this go as she was.

"Let _her_ off with a warning?" the young Latino asked incredulously. "What about _him_? This jerk almost killed my best friend and you're just gonna let him walk away? Why isn't he in handcuffs?"

"Whoa there, Sonny Jim." Said Mr. Haddo in a flagrantly condescending tone. "That's quite the imagination you've got. All I did was slam on the breaks. Your friend's the one who broke the law by crossing the street during a green light."

"But you plowed right into her! You sent her flying! She almost died!"

"Oh really?" asked the tall man arrogantly. "Then tell me this, _Paco_. If your little friend really had flown ten feet in the air and landed face first into the asphalt, would she wake up looking like that?"

The thin man gestured toward Star, forcing everyone present to focus on her unscathed form.

"Well… no. But I saw…"

"I rest my case, officer. It's exactly like I told you. I stopped. She fainted. He freaked out. Poor little twerp must've imagined the rest."

"I didn't imagine anything! I know what I saw!"

"Wait… aren't you that kid who called in that phony bomb threat last summer?" ask the paramedic, finally breaking her silence.

"That… that was an honest mistake."

"According to the newspapers it was a pool heater." Said Haddo amusedly.

"Oh yeah, well… uh… what about that big dent in your hood? And that cracked windshield? How do you explain that?"

"Oh, that's been like that forever. Been meaning to get it fixed, but who has the time? And speaking of time, I have a very important appointment to get to, and I'm already an hour late, so if we could just wrap this up…"

"No way!" shouted Marco, almost lividly. "Officer, there's a traffic cam right over there. That'll prove I'm right."

"Uh… son, pulling the data off that thing's gonna require a lot of paperwork. And since no one was actually hurt…"

"Oh, come on! You're just gonna let him get away with this?"

"Get away with what? I didn't do anything." Haddo said annoyedly. "Your stupid friend stepped in front of my car. I slammed on the breaks. She fainted. That's it. That's all. And if you don't believe me, ask her!"

Suddenly all eyes were on Star, which caused the young princess a great deal of anxiety.

"Well, go on, dearie. Tell your crazy friend what really happened."

"Yeah, Star, tell the nice police officer how this jerk almost killed you."

"Uh… _well_ …."

XXX

( _Fifteen Minutes Later_ )

In almost no time at all, Star's natural exuberance took over and the young princess was back to being her normal perky self; bouncing gayly with every step.

By way of contrast, Marco was trudging along a few steps behind her with a sour look on his face and his hands stuffed tightly into his pockets; muttering some new unintelligible curse with each new breath.

For what felt like an eternity, this strange juxtaposition continued, until at last the bubbly beauty came to the end of the block and caught sight of something that made her eyes go wide with amazement.

" _Gasp! Marco_! Marco! Marco! Marco! Look! Look! There's a new restaurant opening up over there!" she said overzealously as she pointed to the currently vacant building across the street. "Tonio's Authentic Italian Trattoria. _Mmmm_ ~ I don't know what any of those words mean, but they make it all sound _delicious_ ~ Marco, you gotta take me there when it opens. Please. Please. _Please_ ~"

Unfortunately, Star's innocent request was met with a low, animalistic growl.

"Uh… Marco, are you alright?"

" ** _No, I'm not alright!_** " the young Latino snapped back furiously. "How the heck could you side with that jerk and not me? He almost killed you!"

"Well… I… I don't really remember what happened, and… well… his story just seemed…more believable."

"So you think I made the whole thing up?"

"No, no, no, no, no! I mean, not intentionally. It's just… well, sometimes, when you get all worked up… your brain gets a little… wacky."

" ** _What_**?"

"Remember that time I accidentally blew up that taco sign? You had me so convinced I was gonna spend the rest of my life in prison that I spent the night underwater."

"That… Th-Th-That was different!"

"And remember those nine years you were too afraid to talk to Jackie because you thought the world would explode if she rejected you."

"Metaphor, Star! That was a metaphor!"

"And apparently, you once called in a phony bomb threat."

"It looked just like an atomic bomb!"

"But Mr. Haddo said it was a pool heater."

"I don't care what Mr. Haddo said! How could you just take his side after the way he talked to me?"

"Because I didn't think it was worth arguing about." Star replied, sounding uncharacteristically serious. "Marco, what is the matter with you? You're the one who's always telling me to think things through, and to only fight when it matters. I thought you'd be proud of me."

"I am proud of you! I just… I can't stand guys like him!" the young Latino admitted angrily. "That smug jerk. Acting like he's better than me just because I'm…"

"What?"

"Nothing! You wouldn't understand."

And it was true. Star did not understand. But that didn't mean she couldn't see how upset her friend was. So, in keeping with her usual Mewnian Rebel Princess Style, the young blonde leaned over and gave her bosom buddy a great big hug. Which, in keeping with his own Karate Obsessed Latino Style, Marco accepted and reciprocated with great gusto.

"Thanks, Star." He said warmly as he gave the back of her head a gentle pat.

"You're welcome, Marco. And hey, don't get so worked up about what that Haddo guy said. We'll probably never see him again anyway."

"Yeah… I know."

"Seriously, Marco, one of these days you're gonna work yourself to death."

End Notes:

Sorry if this chapter was a little boring. I promise something interesting will happen in the next one. Until then, please remember to fav and/or comment on your way out. Peace.


	3. Chapter 2

Blah, Blah, Blah. Star vs the Forces of Evil is owned by Disney. Enjoy.

Stand and Deliver: Chapter 2.

( _The Next Day_ )

"Hazzuh… Hazzuh Fa Fa…" Star muttered groggily as her eyes fluttered open to a world without focus. "Fa Fa… Fazza Fazz… Funny Snake… Fa Fa…"

It had been a rough night's sleep for the young Mewnian Princess. A restless night fraught with strange, unearthly dreams; many of which she could not recall, but the few she could disturbed her in ways she did not fully understand.

In one such vision, she found herself being struck by a torrent of arrows.

In another she was attempting to confess her true feelings to Marco, only for a small white fox to suddenly burst from her chest and start clawing at his face.

But in most, she found herself standing waist deep in a great mass of writhing purple asps; the hideous serpents piercing her rosy flesh with their fangs and injecting their acidic venom into her bloodstream.

Most disturbing. Most disturbing indeed. And so unlike her usual fantasies.

But still, there were only dreams.

And dreams, no matter how strange or unnerving, always cease to matter once the day begins.

Although, sometimes reality can be even stranger than a dream.

Case in point.

"Ugh…" the young blonde groaned as she raised herself into a seated position. "Mr. Diaz… turn up the thermostat… it's freezing in here."

And it was. In fact, it was downright frigid. Which would be fine for an ice pop, but she had to live in this. So once again.

"Mr. Diaz~ Thermostat~" she whined childishly, only to be met with even more silence. "Ugh! Never mind, I'll get it myselAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

 ** _THUD!_**

It all happened so fast, that it took Star's brain several moments to process what had actually occurred. She'd gotten out of bed. Stepped in something slippery. And then fell face first into something cold and hard. A most unusual phenomenon indeed.

"Uh…alright, who's the wise guy-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay- ** _AY_**!"

As the young princess struggled like a newborn fawn to get back on her feet, her eyes went wide with astonishment as the true nature of her situation suddenly came into focus.

Her room… was _frozen_.

Her room, her enormous, magically augmented room, was completely covered in a layer of ice; at least two or three inches thick.

"Well… this is… different." She said clumsily; finally in an awkward upright position. "Have I been sleep-spelling again?"

A fair guess. And under normal circumstances Star probably would've just accepted this as the truth and moved on with her day. But something about this wasn't sitting right.

The ice.

It just didn't… _feel_ right.

It didn't _feel_ magical.

It's hard to explain. And unfortunately, Star didn't have much time to think it over. For no sooner did the young blonde finally get back on her feet, then were her eardrums rattled by a dreadful rumpus.

" ** _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_** "

Almost immediately, the young princess recognized this as the vaguely feminine squeal of her close friend and secret crush, Marco Diaz. Although, this realization was soon rendered moot, as said Latino soon burst through her bedroom door, wearing nothing but his signature 'jam jams', and shrieking like a banshee.

"Star! Star, you have to help meeeeeeeeeeeAHHHHHHHHHH!" he said as he slipped and fell face first onto the frozen floor. " _Ow…_ "

"Oh… hey, Marco." Star said awkwardly as she struggled to stay on her feet. "What crazy thing happening are you screaming about?"

"My room is haunted!"

XXX

( _Twenty-Five Minutes Later_ )

"I'm telling you, Star. It was horrible!" said the young Latino as the two teens placed their empty cereal bowls in the sink. "It was just floating there above my bed! All translucent and ethereal. With those blank, accusing eyes and those huge, intimidating breasts!"

"Uh… what?"

"Oh, right, the ghost was a beautiful young woman with enormous breasts."

"Oh really~"

"Star… why are you looking at me like that?"

"Marco~ Are you sure you weren't just having one of your Big Boy dreams~"

" _WHAT_! That's not… I don't even… It was a real ghost, Star!"

"Whatever you say, Marco~" the young princess said teasingly as her friend grumbled in exasperation.

It wasn't that Star didn't believe Marco's story; honestly, she'd been around the universe enough times to known that ghosts were as real as unicorns. She just didn't see the need to get so worked up about it. After all, despite what Hollywood might want you to believe, real ghost can't hurt anybody; at least not physically. Besides, it was super fun to see her friend get so flustered.

Personally, she was much more interested in the sheet of ice that had mysteriously encased her room. Sure, it vanished instantly after a quick Flash Thaw Spell, but something still didn't feel right. It didn't _feel_ like magical ice, or even ordinary ice. It felt… _wrong_ for some reason.

Unfortunately, before she could ponder this mystery any further, the doorbell rang.

 _Ding Dong~_

"I'll get it~" the young blonde singsonged as she skipped merrily to the front door. "Who is it~"

"Oh, hey, Star. It's me, Jackie." Said a familiar voice from beyond the solid oak entryway. "Can I come in?"

"Sure thing~"

With only the slightest bit of hesitation, Star opened the door, revealing the familiar form of her and Marco's schoolmate, Jackie Lynn Thomas; who, at least in her opinion, was looking rather worse for wear.

"Hey… Jackie." The young princess said, trying very hard not to stare at the heavy bags under her eyes. "I didn't know you and Marco had a date today."

"Oh, we don't." the sporty teen replied, in a hoarse and zombie-like tone. "I just…."

It took a few moments for Star to realize it, but Jackie had nodded off midsentence; and while still standing no less.

"Uh… Jackie? JACKIE!"

"Pinball Wizard!" the other blonde shouted as she was jolted back to consciousness.

"Uh… What?"

"What?"

"What's Pinball Wizard?"

"I don't know."

"But you just said it."

"I did?"

"Yes! Jackie, what's the matter with you?"

"I'm sorry, Star. I just… _yawn_ … I didn't get much sleep last night. Or… any sleep… like, at all."

"Why not?"

"Well, you see I… I… AH… AH-AH… No! AH… Please no! AH… Not again! AH-AH-ACHCOO!"

Just then, a large, vaguely human shaped blur shot out from Jackie's back. From there it sailed across the street, bounced off the neighbor's mulberry tree, rebounded off a nearby lamppost, ricocheted off twelve other surfaces, before finally slamming back into the other blonde with enough force to push her two inches forward.

"Ow…"

"What the _heck_ was _that_?"

"So… you can see it too?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Oh, thank goodness. Dad said I was just seeing things. But I knew it was real."

"Um… Okay… But… just to reiterate, _what the heck was that_?"

"Wait… you mean you don't know?"

Star opened her mouth to answer, but the words died in her throat as the air filled with an all too familiar cry.

" ** _YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH_**! DARN IT, JANNA! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Without even thinking, the young princess darted back into the living room. Where she came face to face with yet another familiar form; specifically, that of her lovable delinquent friend, Janna Ordonia. Who, as per her MO, was busy driving Marco bananas.

"Okay, first of all, it's not _your_ house, it's your parents' house." Said the young Filipina smartly. "And second, if you don't want people coming in, you shouldn't leave your window open. This is a bad neighborhood."

"ONLY BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN IT, YOU PSYCHOTIC FREAK!"

"Yeesh, someone's in a mood. What, did your Big Boy dream hike up your testosterone?"

"IT WASN'T A… wait, how long have you been here, exactly?"

"If you care enough to ask, you probably don't wanna know."

"UGH!"

While this little impromptu comedy routine was going on, Star noticed that yet another of her schoolmates was standing right next to her; a certain brown-haired otaku known only as StarFan13.

" _Hey, Star_ ~" said the young cosplayer, once again demonstrating her apparent disregard for personal space.

"Oh, hey StarFan." She replied, not particularly bothered by her stalker's close proximity. "Where'd you come from?"

"Janna let me in."

"Yeah… that sounds about right. So, what brings you here?"

"Well… I sort of have this problem, and I think only you can help me."

"Okay, what's the problem?"

"There's an invisible monster on my back."

Naturally, it took Star's brain several moments to process this sentence.

"Uh… what?"

"Listen, I know it sounds crazy, and my mom thinks I'm just making it up to get attention, but I swear it's true. I can feel its hands gripping my shoulders. And I can hear it whispering in my ear. _Party Time_ ~ _Party Time_ ~ _Gero_ ~ _Gero_ ~ _Party Time_ ~ It's all so frightening. Will you please help me?"

"Uh… well… I… uh…"

"I think you should help her." Said Janna suddenly. "I mean, don't get me wrong. Ordinarily, I'd agree with her mom and then laugh in her crazy face, but I'm having a pretty weird day too."

"Why? What's wrong with you?"

"My shadow keeps barking at me."

Yet again, it took Star's brain a moment to process this.

"Uh… what?"

"Just watch."

And with that, the young Filipina gave her shadow a great heavy stomp.

Suddenly, the air was filled with a horrendous cacophony. Like a rabid Pitbull charging at a chain-link fence.

Then, as mysteriously as it began, the noise quickly stopped, and Janna shot her friends a sort of arrogant half smirk.

"Janna…"

"I know, right?"

"What the **_heck_** was **_that_**?"

"Wait, you mean you don't know?"

" ** _No_**! Why would you think I would?"

"Uh, because you're _Star Butterfly_. And because every time something weird and magical happens in Echo Creek, you're usually in the middle of it."

"Yeah… I… I guess, but…. I'm not sure this is magic."

"What?" said the young Filipina in dry disbelief. "What do you mean it's not magic? Of course it's magic. What else could it be?"

"I don't know, but it just doesn't _feel_ like magic. It feels… _different_."

"Woman, you are making no sense at all."

"I know. Nothing today 's made any sense. The ice in my room. Jackie's thing. Your shadow. My messed-up dreams."

Just then, someone flipped a switch inside Star's brain.

"Wait a minute… I had a messed-up dream yesterday too. Right after I fainted in the street."

"You did what in the where now?"

"Ugh! I'm so sick of telling this story. Look, yesterday I got excited because Marco said his mom was making paella, so I accidentally stepped in front of Mr. Haddo's car."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back it up there, chief. Did you just say Haddo?"

"Uh… yeah. So what?"

"Well did you happen to catch his first name?"

"I think he said it was… Oliver or something."

"Oliver Haddo? He told you his name was _Oliver Haddo_?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Are you absolutely sure that's what he said?"

"Yes. Why? Do you know him?"

"As much as you can know someone who doesn't exist."

"Beg pardon?"

"Star, Oliver Haddo isn't a person. He's a character in a book."

" _WHAT_!"

"Uh… Star?" asked Marco from somewhere just beyond her range of vision. "Why is my girlfriend drooling on my mom's new welcome mat?"

End Notes:

BOOM! Chapter 2 completed!

See you in the next one.

Peace.


	4. Chapter 3

Star vs the Forces of Evil is owned by Disney. Not much else to say. Enjoy.

Stand and Deliver: Chapter 3.

( _Forty-Five Minutes Later_ )

"Okay… so… what are we doing again?" asked Jackie as Marco continued to prop her up like a scarecrow.

"We're going over to that jerk Oliver Haddo's house, because Janna thinks he might be responsible for all the weird stuff that's been happening today." Replied the young Latino as he tried desperately to keep his girlfriend from falling over.

"Okay… and, why are we doing that again?"

"Jackie, I… I just told you that a second ago. Janna thinks this Haddo guy put a curse on us or something. So we're going over to his house to make him undo it."

"Marco, I can't handle a million details right now. Can you just give me the bare bones?"

"Uh… those were the bare bones."

" _Heh, heh, You have a girly voice~_ "

"Okay, remind me again why we couldn't just let Jackie take a nap at my place?"

"Because, Marco, this man insulted you. He insulted your family and he insulted your heritage. And as a man, it is your duty to kick the crud out of him while your woman watches." Replied Janna, in a clearly manipulative tone. "That, and because Zombie-Jackie is _hilarious_."

"Oh, hey Janna. When did you get here?"

"HA! See what I mean?"

"Ugh…"

Star couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of this conversion. I mean, how could anyone not? It was just too dang ridiculous. But alas, her smile was only on the outside. On the inside, her soul was like a raging hurricane of stress and anxiety.

All morning, she and her friends had been plagued by a series of mysterious, supernatural events that seemed to defy the laws of magic as she knew them. Granted, the young princess wasn't exactly an expert on the subject, but she knew enough to recognize magic when she saw it; and regardless of what Janna thought, _this_ was definitely _not_ magic.

The only question was, what else could it be?

"Uh, Star? Star! Earth to Star! You in there or what?"

"Wha? What? Huh?"

"Ah, there she is." Said the young Filipina playfully. "So, how do you think we should deal with this guy? Mystic Suck Portal? Narwhal Blast? Or do you want me to go in and just start smacking his knuckles with a ruler?"

"Um… maybe we should just try talking to him first." The young blonde replied tentatively. "I mean, for all we know, he might not have anything to do with this."

"Oh, he's behind this alright. Why else would he give the cops a fake name?"

"Maybe he's in witness protection?"

"WHOA! Jeez! StarFan? Where did you come from?"

"I've been here the entire time."

"Oh, well you leave absolutely no impression. Maybe you should start wearing a bell."

"Grrr…."

"And anyway, people in witness protection don't usually take the names of famous literary characters."

"If he's so famous, then how come I've never heard of this Haddo guy before?"

"Because everything _you_ read comes from Japan."

"Hey, don't use factual statements as insults."

"Ah, bite me, you uncultured weeaboo."

"Why you smug little bitc…"

"Girls!" Star said in an uncharacteristically stern tone. "What's the matter with you? You're both acting crazy."

"Oh, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry, Star."

"Yeah, same here. I don't know what got into me."

"You know… I think whatever's happening to us is messing with our heads."

"Hmmm… Well, that would explain Marco's little temper tantrum earlier." The young Filipino replied, showing off her deductive reasoning skills. "And now that I think about it, you're not your usual perky, 'let's-go-beat-up-a-bad-guy-just-for-the-heck-of-it' self today either. So, maybe whatever spell we're under is effecting our hormones or something."

"If it even is a spell."

"Ugh. There you go again. Star, how could this possibly _not_ be magic?"

"I don't know. It just doesn't… _feel_ right."

"Maybe it's just a type of magic you've never seen before."

"No… it's different than that. This just feels… _wrong_."

"So you keep saying. But tell me, Star. If this latest weirdness isn't magic, then what else could it be?"

"I don't know." She said, for what felt like the billionth time that day, before remembering something her old mentor had taught her some time ago. "But… Glossaryck once told me that all magic comes from the energy of the universe. So… if this stuff isn't magic, then maybe it's coming from somewhere else."

"Somewhere else?" Janna repeated dubiously. "Like… from another universe or something?"

"Maybe."

"Yes, well… let's just put that theory in the Maybe Pile." The young Filipina replied in a half sarcastic tone. "For now, let's just focus on finding this guy. Marco, how much further is it?"

"Actually, my phone says we're already here."

"What?" both girls said simultaneously as they suddenly became aware of their new surroundings.

Without realizing it, the five teens had walked over four blocks in search of answers. And after nearly an hour of trudging through the treacherous suburban jungle, they found themselves standing in front of the home of the mysterious Mr. Haddo.

But Lord, was it nothing like they'd expected.

As rude and unpleasant as Haddo had seemed the previous day, Star had to admit, albeit begrudgingly, that he was rather handsome and extremely well-dressed. By way of contrast however, his home appeared to be in abysmal condition. Broken shutters, missing shingles, a lawn no self-respecting dog would ever piss on. It looked like it belonged in a slum, rather than a suburban neighborhood. Why, were it not for the familiar blue sedan parked in the driveway, the young princess would've sworn Marco had gotten the wrong address.

"Uh… Marco, are you sure this is the right place?" Janna asked, clearly thrown off by the house's shabby appearance.

"Yup. Map App says this is the place. 8181 Tyrone Blvd." the young Latino replied as he struggled to keep his girlfriend from falling over. "And by the way, how exactly did you get this guy's home address?"

"You don't wanna know." She answered bluntly. "But you _do_ wanna ditch that phone. And… sooner's gonna be better than later. Trust me."

"Ugh… dang it, Janna."

While this was going on, Star's senses were suddenly assaulted by a familiar noxious odor. It was the same Cherry-Death smell Haddo had been giving off the previous day, only multiplied times a thousand, and mixed together with several other offensive odors. Many of which she did not know, but one she distinctly recognized as the scent of alcohol; and some pretty cheap stuff by the smell of it.

"Yo, Star. You in there?" asked Janna, pulling the young princess back to reality.

"Yeah… I'm fine. I just… this place smells horrible."

"I don't know, I kinda like it."

"Uh… you're kidding, right?"

"No, seriously." She replied, before taking in a big whiff. "Ah~ Blue Curacao and cherry flavored tobacco. Smells just like home."

Not knowing how to respond to this, Star said nothing and proceeded towards the front door. Naturally, the other teens followed soon after, all except for Janna, who made her way to the far side of the house.

"Uh… Janna, where are you going?" asked StarFan13 confusedly.

"Uh, _duh_ , I'm going around the back so we can sneak in. Where are _you_ going?"

"Janna, we don't need to sneak in." replied Star dryly. "Mr. Haddo's obviously home. Let's just knock on the door and see if he knows anything."

" _PFFF_. Whatever."

And with that, the young Filipina disappeared beyond the far side, leaving her comrades to do things 'the hard way'.

"Okay… so… I'm just gonna go ahead and…."

 ** _Knock!_**

 ** _Knock!_**

 ** _Knock!_**

Star rapped loudly against the black mahogany door, but there was no reply.

"Mr. Haddo~ Are you home?" she called to the unseen Death-Man in the most pleasant voice she could muster. "You might not remember me, but we sort of met yesterday. I'm the girl who… uh… fainted in front of your car."

But again, there was no reply.

"Listen, I know we kinda got off on the wrong foot. What with my friend calling the cops and us making you late for that…uh… thing you were late for. But if you could just find it in your heart to…"

 ** _BLAM_**!

Suddenly, a large section of the door burst into splinters, causing everyone to jump back a few steps; except for Jackie, who fell to the ground when Marco dropped her.

Moments later, the door swung open; revealing an unwashed, disheveled man holding a sawed-off shotgun.

Instantly, Star recognized him as Oliver Haddo, though he scarcely resembled the man she'd met the previous day. Gone were his immaculate suit and tie, and in their place, he wore a plain white tank top and black boxer shorts; neither of which looked clean. His once slicked back hair was now matted and filthy, and his admittedly handsome face was covered with the remnants of some half-eaten meal.

To put it bluntly, this guy looked like a total wreck.

"Well, well, well~ Looky what we got here." Said the thin man in a slurred, uneven tone. "Thought you could sneak up on me, didn't you? Thought you could kill an old man in his sleep, didn't you? But you can't! You can't kill me! Wanna know why? Cause I sensed you! I sensed your friggin' auras all the way down the block! I knew you were comin' for me, so I got ready. So now _I_ got _you_!"

As he took a few steps forward, Star noticed something eerily familiar in the rambling man's mud colored eyes. They were glazed and unfocused. And his steps were so clumsy and unbalanced. It reminded her of that one time her father had taken her to spend the weekend with her relatives at Castle Johansen. But with one key difference.

When King Butterfly got drunk it was funny.

When Oliver Haddo got drunk it was terrifying.

"Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!" the young princess replied in a rapid, almost machinegun like manner. "Mr. Haddo, I think there's been some kind of mistake. We're not…"

"SHUT UP!" the drunken man shouted angrily as he carelessly tossed his shotgun to the ground. "Shut up! _Shut up_! **_Shut up_**! I'm not falling for any of your damn tricks, you friggin' sons o' bitches! If you wanna kill me, then you're gonna have to do it the old-fashioned way! Man to Man! Stand to Stand! ST. JAMES INFIRMARY!"

To the total astonishment of everyone in attendance, a pair of dark purple pit vipers suddenly burst forth from Haddo's forearms; hissing and writhing and glowing with some kind of strange, unnatural luminescence. Then, with an awkward, jerky motion, he raised both arms toward the frightened teens and allowed the hideous serpents to stretch out about a foot beyond his hands.

"There… now you're scared, aren't ya." The drunken madman slurred as the snakes barred their horrible fangs. "Better hang back, boyos. One bite from these babies 'll liquify your organs."

While the others continued to wrestle with their collective shock, Star noticed something very strange about Haddo's vipers. They weren't wrapped around his forearms like ordinary snakes, but rather they seemed to be coming from inside his body.

Somehow, this man, this _Oliver Haddo_ or whatever his name was, had somehow conjured living, breathing snakes from inside his own body.

And without magic no less.

"What _are_ you?" the young blonde asked in a hushed, awestricken tone.

Unfortunately, before Haddo could even attempt to answer, there was a loud _BONG_ , and he fell limply to the ground.

Unsurprisingly, she soon found Janna standing in the open doorway; a large black frying pan in her hand and an arrogant smirk on her face.

"And that, children, is why I never use the front door."

End Notes:

So, that's the end of this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed and please remember to leave a review before you leave. Until next time, peace.


	5. Chapter 4

Some big answers in this one, folks. So make sure you read carefully. Also, Star vs the Forces of Evil is owned by Disney and Stands are the creation of the brilliant and talented Hirohiko Araki. Blah, Blah, Blah, Enjoy.

Stand and Deliver: Chapter 4.

( _A Short Time Later_ )

Star didn't think it was possible, but the inside of Haddo's house was actually worse than the outside.

Clothes strewn all over the place.

Beer cans and liquor bottles left in all manner of precarious positions.

Carpet so filthy no self-respecting cat would ever piss on it.

In short, the place was a total dump.

Granted, the young princess wasn't exactly a stickler for cleanliness herself, but even she had her limits when it came to this kind of squalor.

'How could anyone live like this?' she thought to herself as she and her friends formed a loose semicircle around the owner's couch; ensuring that their captive could not escape.

After Janna had so skillfully disabled their crazed attacker, Star wasted no time in conjuring a magic rope to bind him; hoping that with his hands safely secured behind his back, Haddo would be unable to summon his sinister serpents. Then, once everyone was sure the raving madman was really out cold, the others carried him back into his house and placed him carefully on his living room sofa.

It had been over an hour since their little altercation on the lawn and so far, no cops had shown up. Hopefully that meant no one had reported the gunshots, so they could interrogate their captive in peace.

And with any luck, they'd finally get some answers.

"Ugh… whazza? Fuzzah whazzh?" Mr. Haddo mumbled groggily as he finally started to regain consciousness. "Whah… What happened? Who's deal is it? AH! My head!"

"Mr. Haddo… are you okay?" Star asked tentatively, aiming her trusty wand at him, just in case.

"Ugh…Geez-a-loo! What happened? What is this? Why am I looking at my couch? Hey, can one of you guys help me up?"

"Oh, um… okay." Said the young princess as she cautiously helped their captive into a seated position. "Now… let me just… there. Is that better?"

"Yeah. Thanks, doll. Now if you don't mind, what the hell is going on here?"

"We… uh… don't know." Janna lied, obviously. "I mean, you don't remember what happened, do you?"

"I remember some things. Just… not being tied up. Why am I tied up? And where the hell are my pants?"

"Look, Mr. Haddo, we just came over to ask you something, but you were super drunk and…"

"And you thought the appropriate response was to steal my pants?"

"You weren't wearing any pants when we got here, you stupid drunk." Said Marco, sounding uncharacteristically hostile. "But you _were_ packing a shotgun, which you aimed at all of us."

"Oh… I'm sorry." Haddo replied, sounding surprisingly sincere. "I didn't hurt anyone, did I?"

"No, we're all fine." Star answered sympathetically. "But… maybe, in the future, you shouldn't drink so much. Or… at least not this early in the day."

"Well, _excuse me_ , Cupcake. But I had a _really_ crappy day yesterday. I blew this big job interview, all because some stupid kid…" Haddo paused midsentence as his eyes went wide with realization. " ** _You!_** You're that dizzy blonde from yesterday! You ruined my life!"

"WHAT?" Marco said incredulously. "You almost killed her, and _she_ ruined _your_ life?"

"Yes, _Panchito_ , she did. And so did you! Because if you'd just shut up like I asked you to instead of calling the damn cops, I wouldn't have been two hours late for my interview! And I'd be at the library right now, living out my boyhood dream!"

"Wait… your boyhood dream is to be a librarian?"

"Yes, _Paco_ , it is! You gotta problem with that?"

"No, I just… well… I mean, you gotta admit, that's a pretty weird dream."

"Oh yeah, well f*** you, you greasy little nark! And f*** blondie for not knowing how to use a damn crosswalk! And while we're at it, f*** me for bothering to bring her back to life in the first place, which I promise I will _never_ do again!"

A sudden, awkward silence fell over the room, as the final line of Haddo's rant slowly started to sink in.

"Uh… _what_?" said Star in hushed disbelief.

"Oh… probably shouldn't have said that one out loud."

"What do you mean, ' _bring her back to life_ '? Was I… Was I _dead_?"

"Um… kinda." The half-naked man admitted, sounding more than a little nervous. "Okay, look, it's like this. I have the power to heal people, and after I rammed into you yesterday I… kinda… sorta… used my power to bring you back to life."

" ** _Aha_**!" shouted Marco suddenly, his voice dripping with self-satisfaction. "See, Star! I told you he was lying!"

Unfortunately, no one else was impressed by the young Latino's vindication.

"Seriously, Marco?" asked Janna dryly. "The man just said he raised Star back from the dead, and _that's_ what you wanna focus on?"

"Oh… good point."

"Well… I didn't exactly _raise_ her from the dead." Haddo admitted, still sounding a bit anxious. "I mean, yeah, she was clinically dead for like… twelve seconds… give or take. But her soul was still attached to her mind and body. All I did was repair her body so her soul wouldn't… well… you know… depart."

"Twelve seconds…" Star repeated in hushed horror. "I was… _dead_ … for _twelve seconds_!"

"Uh… yes… but again, only clinically." The thin man clarified. "See, I can't really resurrect people. I can't bring back a soul that's gone to… wherever souls go. I can only heal physical damage. But like I said, your soul was still attached to your body. So technically, you weren't even really dead. Just… mostly dead."

"I…I-I-I…. I need to sit down." The young princess said woozily.

"Yeah… that's fair. Just not on the coffee table, okay. That thing's pretty rickety."

"Okay, well, this has just been a _bonkers_ amount of fun." Said Janna dryly, clearly trying to turn the conversation in a different direction. "But if you don't mind, we have other places we'd like to be. So, if you could just lift whatever curse you put on us, we'll get out of your hair."

"Curse? What curse?" asked Haddo, sounding genuinely confused.

"Don't play dumb." The young Filipina replied, almost accusingly. "We already know you're some kind of dark magician. Why else would you take a name like Oliver Haddo?"

At this, the supposed sorcerer let out a loud, hearty chuckle; much to Janna's annoyance.

"You … you think I'm a Magic User just… just because I picked _that_ name?" he said, in-between hysteric guffaws. " _Sweet Christmas_! That's a hot one!"

"And just what the heck is so **_dang_** funny?"

"Sorry, Cutie Pie, I hate to shatter your dreams, but I'm no Magic User. I'm just a fan of Maugham."

"What?"

"Look, it's like this. I've got a couple drunk-and-disorderly's on my record, so a while back, I created a false identity to make it easier for me to find a job. And since Maugham is my favorite author, and since _The Magician_ is beyond obscure, I borrowed the name from the main antagonist. That's it. That's all. Can someone please untie me now?"

"B-But that's impossible. The things you can do. The snakes. Star. You have to be a dark magician."

"Look, kiddo, again, sorry to burst your bubble. But I'm not a sorcerer. I'm just a regular Stand User like the rest of you."

And thus, another awkward silence fell over the room.

"Stand… what?"

"Stand _User_. What? Don't tell me you kids are calling it something different nowadays."

"Calling _what_ something different?" asked Marco angrily. "Man, you're not making any sense."

"Oh, come on. Don't play dumb. Your auras are flaring like crazy. You guys must've been training for years. Only thing I can't figure out is how you two bozos hid them from me yesterday."

"Hid _what_?"

"Your Stands, stupid! Your auras were so weak yesterday I could've sworn you weren't Stand Users at all."

"Uh… was that English?" asked Star, after what was undoubtedly a record silence for her.

"Wait… you mean you guys have no idea what I'm talking about?"

"I don't know how to make that any clearer."

"Oh… wow… well… this is… rather awkward. I'm… not really sure what I'm supposed to say here."

"How 'bout you start at the beginning." Said Janna, having recovered her usual swagger. "Auras. Stands. The whole deal. But please, no Greek this time, alright?"

Star didn't quite understand what that last bit meant, but judging by the way it made Haddo smile, she assumed it was some sort of Earth joke.

"Okay… okay… Stands… where to start…" the thin man muttered softly as he contemplated what to say next. "Alright, it's like this. A Stand is, more or less, a physical manifestation of a person's mental and spiritual power. Kind of like an astral projection, but with mass."

The group's reactions to this explanation were… mixed, but at the very least everyone seemed to follow what Haddo was saying. Star in particular was beginning to piece a few things together.

"So… these, uh… Stand thingies, do they… look like snakes?"

"I take it I whipped mine out for you on the front lawn?" Haddo reasoned. "Anyway, to answer your question, yes, mine does. But a Stand's appearance is a reflection of the User's mind and soul. In my case, it's a pair of snakes. But really, they can look like anything; people, animals, objects, you name it."

"Okay… I think I get it." Star said tentatively. "So… your Stand… that's what you used to save me?"

"Yup, with good old St. James Infirmary, I can heal pretty much any injury. But that's nothing compared to some of the crazy Stand Users I've met. Heck, I once knew this Sikh, his Stand was a hummingbird that could predict events up to twelve hours into the future. Bit of a pill honestly, but boy was he fun at parties. I wonder if I still have his number."

"Hey! Focus, Rummy!" Marco shouted angrily, much to Janna's apparent displeasure. "And by the way, if these Stand things are so common, then how come I've never heard of them?"

"Whoa there, _Paco_. I never said Stands were common. In fact, they're one of the rarest abilities on the planet. Only about four hundred thousand Users are born each generation. And that's worldwide, kiddies. So when I say rare, I mean _rare_."

"Okay, but none of us were born with these powers." Janna pointed out abruptly. "They just showed up out of nowhere sometime last night. What's up with that?"

"Well, all human beings possess the potential to develop a Stand. Even if you aren't born with one, there are ways of bringing them out. Drugs, meditation, mystic artifacts; I myself was shot with a magic arrow while on vacation in Japan back in the late nineties. However, the most effective method I know is to survive some kind of unimaginable trauma."

"Like… being brought back from the dead?" Star asked, already knowing the answer.

"Eyup, that'd probably do it."

"But that only happened to Star. So why are we all getting these freaky powers?" asked Janna, sounding both annoyed and confused.

"Beats the hell outta me, Cupcake. I've never seen anything like this before."

"But we have." Said Marco suddenly, sounding as though he'd just put the last few pieces together. "Star, let me see your phone."

Without a word, the young princess relinquished her phone to the young Latino, who then started tapping on it feverishly.

For several minutes, he tore through the multidimensional web, until at last he found what he was looking for.

"Aha! Just as I suspected. Star, take a look at this."

Once again without speaking, Star took back her phone and caught sight of something she had not been expecting.

It was a brightly colored advertisement for an all too familiar party game.

It read as follows.

 **Truth or Punishment!**

 **The Game to end all Games!**

 **Bare your Soul… or** ** _DIE_** **!**

End Notes:

Don't you just love cliffhangers?

Anyway, thanks for reading, and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	6. Chapter 5

Well, here we are again. As always, Star vs the Forces of Evil is owned by Disney and Stands are the creation of the brilliant and talented Hirohiko Araki. So with that garbage out of the way. Enjoy.

Stand and Deliver: Chapter 5.

( _Picking up right where we left off_ )

"Warning: Choosing to play Truth or Punishment constitutes a binding magical contract that will bond the souls of all participants until the game is finished. Do not play if you are overweight or have a preexisting heart condition. Only for ages 14 and Up." Star read aloud as she scanned over the brightly colored advertisement. "Yeah, so what? We beat that crazy game months ago."

"No, we didn't, Star. You broke it, remember?" Marco replied, starting to sound a little more like his usual self. "So technically, the game never ended. So, the link between our souls wasn't severed. That's why we all got Stands the same time you did. It all adds up."

"Yeah… except that that all happened months ago and we're just now noticing it. I mean, I don't feel anything when any of you guys get hurt. And none of you felt it when I died. So… your theory doesn't really hold up."

"Well, yeah, but uh… um… er…"

"Perhaps because the game didn't end like it was supposed to, the soul link was only partially severed. Leaving just enough of the connection intact to allow us all to develop Stands." Janna reasoned, sounding uncharacteristically studious. "However, you two seem to have overlooked the real mystery here. Namely, how could Star even get a Stand in the first place?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Oliver just said that all _humans_ have the potential to develop Stands."

"Yeah, so what?"

"Uh, _duh_! Star's not human, dummy. Remember? Ergo she doesn't have said potential, so she shouldn't have gotten a Stand at all."

At this, the young blonde's face grew flushed with embarrassment. Why had that not occurred to her? Had she… had she actually forgotten that she wasn't human? No, that's ridiculous. Of course, she knew she wasn't human. She knew who she was. She knew she was Star Butterfly, Princess and future Queen of Mewni. But then, why? Why had that tiny but oh so significant detail eluded her at such a critical time?

Had she been on Earth for too long?

"Uh… guys?" said Mr. Haddo, snapping the young princess out of her trance. "Listen, I think I've been remarkably patient with you kids, considering the circumstances. But, uh… what the hell do you mean blondie over here isn't human?"

"Well, _blondie_ , as you so put it, is in reality a humanoid insect creature from another dimension." Janna replied oversimplifyingly. "Oh, by the way, insect monsters and other dimensions exist. So… take that as you will."

"Huh… I guess that explains why she doesn't know how to use a crosswalk."

"Wait, you mean you believe me? Just like that?"

"Kid, I got struck by a magic arrow and now I've got invisible snakes coming out of my arms. At this point, I'm ready to believe anything." The thin man replied, half mockingly. "Oh, and by the way, Stands are invisible to anyone who's not a Stand User. So… take _that_ as you will."

"Okay… but that still doesn't explain how Star was able to develop a Stand."

"Actually, I have a theory about that." Haddo responded, in a tone that reminded Star of one of her old tutors. "See, my Stand works by transferring a piece of my own aura into somebody else's; sort of like a blood transfusion. And it is the merger of these two auras that supercharges the subject's natural healing factor; allowing them to recover in seconds from injuries that would normally cripple them for months, or even years."

"Uh-huh, fascinating. But what does that have to do with Star?"

"I was just getting to that, dearie. Don't rush me. Now, ordinarily, my aura would simply merge with that of the subject, and then everything would go back to normal. However, it's possible that when I merged my human aura with blondie's insect aura it created a sort of hybrid aura. Giving her the potential to develop a Stand, which became active once she was brought back to life."

"Hmm… I guess that makes sense." Janna reasoned, stroking her chin in contemplation.

"So, wait… does this mean I'm part human now?"

"Yes, but only on a spiritual level." Haddo clarified. "Physically you should still be the same as you've always been."

"Oh… well, that's good… I guess."

"Yeah, yeah, that's all _very_ fascinating, but if you don't mind, I'd like to spend what's left of my Saturday somewhere a little less _disgusting_." Said Marco, once again sounding uncharacteristically harsh. "So just tell us how to get rid of these Stand things and we'll be on our way."

Haddo, however, was not intimidated by the young Latino's attitude. In fact, he just started laughing again; this time much louder than before.

"Okay, what's so funny this time?" asked Janna, with a subtle roll of her eyes.

"I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry…" the thin man said in between another round of hysteric guffaws. "It's just… it's just… getting rid of a Stand? Now you're just talking science fiction."

An ironic statement, considering how straight-faced he was during all the talk of insect creatures and other dimensions.

"You can't get rid of a Stand. It's a part of you. Trying to remove it would be like… giving yourself a lobotomy."

" _What_?"

"Yeah, I hate to break it to you, kids. But once you activate your Stand, it stays with you for the rest of your life. Your constant companion. Always standing by your side; though think and thin. That's why they call it a Stand."

"But… but I don't want these freaky powers! None of us do!"

"Well, _Paco_ , you'd better learn to want them, and fast. Because the longer you reject your new gifts the less time you have to live."

Yet again, an awkward silence fell over the room; fortunately, this one was much shorter than the last.

"W-Wh-What?" Star asked timidly.

"Oh… right… probably should've said that earlier." Haddo admitted; the awkwardness radiating off him like a cheap microwave. "Look… there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna be blunt. Based on what's been said here and what I'm seeing with your auras, I'm guessing none of you have figured out how to control your Stands properly. And _that_ is _really_ bad."

"Why?"

" _Because_ , blondie, a Stand isn't like magic. It's connected to your mind, body, and soul in ways even I don't fully understand. And unless you learn how to control it, it can do some serious damage to your insides."

"What kind of damage?"

"Oh, just little stuff at first; random mood swings, insomnia, the occasional accidental discharge. But after a few days the strain can lead to stuff like partial paralysis, hysterical blindness, internal bleeding, narcolepsy, hallucinations, hair loss, etcetera. And if after all that you still can't get it together, you'll most likely slip into a comma and eventually die."

This time, no one had a quick response or a cutting remark in the wings. The five teens just stood there; their eyes wide open with horror and their faces as pale as ghosts.

All except for Jackie, who had fallen asleep on her feet about eleven minutes ago.

"You… you mean we're… we're all gonna… d-d- _die_?" asked Star, already knowing and dreading the answer.

"If you don't learn how to control your Stands, yes, definitely."

"Then… then you have to teach us!"

"I have to what now?"

"Well… you're the expert here. You know all this stuff about Stands and how they work. Who better to teach us than you?"

"Hmmm… you make a lot of good points, blondie. Unfortunately, you seem to have overlooked one important detail. Namely, I don't like you." Haddo replied cuttingly. "In case you've forgotten, you and _Paco_ cost me my dream job. And although I can't be certain, I'm pretty sure one of you hit me over the head with a baseball bat."

"Frying pan."

"Regardless. I'm not in the habit of giving out charity. So if you wanna master your Stands, you'll have to do it on your own."

"But… but we could all die."

"Sorry, but that's not _my_ problem."

Needless to say, the group did not handle this rejection well. StarFan was on the verge of tears. Marco looked like he was ready to tear Haddo apart. Jackie was still asleep, of course. Star herself trembled at the thought of her own horrific demise. But strangely enough, Janna seemed completely unfazed. In fact, she was sporting one of her trademark evil grins.

"What if I made it worth your while?" she asked, in a tone the other teens were all too familiar with

" _Pfft!_ Yeah right! What the hell could _you_ possibly offer me?"

"Well~ I noticed from that stack of receipts in your kitchen that you spend an awful lot of cash at Lucky Land Liquor~"

"So I like to drink. So what? You gotta problem with that?"

"Oh, heavens no~ But~ I just happen to know for a fact that there are at least nine other liquor stores between here and there~ So why go all that way just to patronize one particular shop?"

"None of your damn business!"

"Could it be that a certain _someone_ has romantic feelings for the owner of said establishment? The lovely and single Ms. Joanna Ordonia, known to her friends as Jojo, who also happens to be my mother~"

" ** _What_**?"

"That's right, pally. Jojo, the woman of _your_ dreams, is _my_ mom~ And if you help us out with our Stand problem, I'd be more than happy to introduce you. Maybe even talk you up as a potential new boyfriend~"

"R-R-Really?" the thin man asked, briefly sounding like a lovesick teenager. "Wait, no! No way! You're lying! I don't know how you found out about Jojo, but there's no way she's old enough to have a kid your age!"

"Oh yeah?" the young Filipina asked nonchalantly as she reached into her wallet and pulled out a small polaroid. "Then how do you explain _this_?"

"I-I-I-I-Is that…"

"Yup. That's me and mom down at the beach last summer. Oh, and just in case you were wondering. Yes, _they're real_ ~"

"I… I-I-Eee-Ooo-Ah-Ah…" Haddo babbled stupidly as a tiny trail of blood started dripping from his nose.

"So… do we have ourselves a deal?"

"I-I-Ooo-Eee-Ah-Ah-Ooo…"

"I'll take that as a yes."

End Notes:

Sorry if this one seemed shorter than the others. But that just felt like the best place to leave things off. Anyway, thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review, and I'll see you in the next one. Peace.


	7. Chapter 6

As previously stated, Star vs the Forces of Evil is owned by Disney and Stands are the creation of the brilliant and talented Hirohiko Araki. Not much else to say. So, Enjoy.

Stand and Deliver: Chapter 6.

( _One Hour Later_ )

"Alright, listen up, maggots!" said Haddo, apparently doing his best impression of an army drill sergeant. "I don't like you, and you don't like me. But for the first time in three years, I have a real chance at finding true happiness, and I'm not gonna let you idiots screw it up for me by dying. So, one way or another, I'm gonna turn you five teenyboppers into lean, mean, Stand using machines. Any questions?"

"Uh… yeah, I got one." Said Marco, sounding rather annoyed by the whole situation. "Why couldn't we just do this in your backyard?"

A fair question, considering the circumstances.

After accepting Janna's unusual offer, and taking a much-needed shower, the man known only as Oliver Haddo practically forced his new students out the front door and into the street. From there, he led them to a large, open field on the south side of the local park; a place surrounded on all sides by native foliage, thus ensuring their total privacy.

"Because, _Paco_ , I don't know what your Stands can do yet, and I don't wanna risk one of you morons leveling my house. Dick landlord's already gonna chew my ass off cuz of that hole in the door."

"Well, that's the calculated risk you take when you choose to be a drunken reprobate."

"Marco, be nice." Star said disapprovingly. "We're ready when you are, Sensei."

" _Ugh_! Don't call me sensei. I know this guy who likes to call himself sensei. He's a total loser."

"Like you're one to talk."

"Marco, _shush_!"

"Yes, well… anyway, if we're gonna do this, let's at least do this right. So, let's get on a first name basis. Blondie, you first."

"Oh, uh… okay. I'm Star Butterfly, Princess and future Queen of Mewni."

"Just your name will be fine, little miss braggart. Okay, _Paco_ , who are you?"

"My name is Marco. Marco Diaz. And if you call me _Paco_ one more time I'm gonna…"

"Blah, Blah, Blah. Don't care. Moving on. Droopy, what's your name?"

"Uh… what?"

"Your name, sweetheart. Tell me your name."

"Woah… when did we get outside?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Jackie didn't get much sleep last night because of her Stand thing."

"Woah… Star… where did you come from?"

"I can already tell this is gonna get old." Haddo said annoyedly as he placed a hand on Jackie's shoulder. "Okay, hold still, honey. St. James Infirmary!"

Suddenly, a familiar purple pit viper burst forth from the thin man's forearm and sunk its fangs deep into the skater girl's jugular. For a split second, her eyes rolled into the back of her head and there was a blinding white flash. Then, before anyone could even try to react, Haddo retracted his Stand, and presented to the other teens a refreshed and fully revivified Jackie Lynn Thomas.

"Whoa… I… I feel amazing!" she said, sounding much more like her normal, non-zombie self. "I feel like I just slept ten hours. Thanks, man."

"Don't mention it, cupcake." Haddo replied with a surprisingly genial looking smile. "Okay, next up is little miss smartass. What's your name?"

"Janna Ordonia." Said the young Filipina; sporting her own trademark grin. "Also known as the teenage daughter of your lady love; the _young_ and _voluptuous_ Ms. Jojo of Lucky Land Liquor~"

"I already said yes, genius. You don't have to keep teasing me."

"I know, but it helps me relax."

"Fair enough. Okay, last but not least, cosplay. What's your name?"

"StarFan13."

"Heh-heh, cute. But seriously, what's your name?"

"I am serious. That's what everyone calls me."

"Well, _I'm_ not calling you that. It's ridiculous. What's your real name?"

"Um… I'm actually more comfortable with StarFan, so…"

"Are you comfortable with a pit viper ripping out your voice box?"

"Okay, okay, my name is Annie! Annie Lightfoot! Are you happy now?"

"Very. And now that that's out of the way we can…"

" _Gasp._ Oh my _gosh_!" Star interrupted, her voice sounding super extra sugary. "StarFan, your name is Annie? That's so cute~"

"Y-You really think so?"

"Oh, for the love of… You two can make out later! Right now, we need to focus on mastering your Stands."

"You're right. We're sorry, Sen… uh… Mr. Haddo."

"Yes, well… as I was saying. The key to mastering your Stands is accepting the truth about your situation. A Stand is not a spell, or a curse, or an evil spirit invading your body. It is a part of you. Just like your arms and legs. And just like any limb, it responds only to your thoughts and your will. A Stand does not move or act of its own will. A Stand has no will. It is merely an extension of your mind and soul. A reflection of who you really are. Everyone with me so far?"

The five teens all gave him a quick, but enthusiastic nod. Star in particular found his lecture most exhilarating. The more she learned about these Stand things, the more she realized how amazing this whole situation was. I mean, just think about it. She was the first Mewman in history to ever get a Stand. She now had a power that set her apart from all the previous queens; especially her mother. The Rebel Princess grinned at the possibilities.

"Okay, but that's only the mental side of it. The physical side is a bit more… exhausting. See, right now, your Stands are unstable, and that's what's causing all the problems. And the only way to stabilize them is to bring them out and let them take their true forms. Only then will you have control and learn your Stands' true names."

"Uh… mind repeating that last bit?"

"Oh, right, kinda forgot to mention this earlier. Yeah, all Stands have names and you only learn them after you learn how to control them. And just a quick heads up, Stand names can be pretty damn weird, so… be ready for anything."

"Meh, whatever." Janna said casually. "Mine can't be any lamer than 'St. James Infirmary'."

"Ignoring that." Haddo replied dryly, before adopting a surprisingly more pleasant demeanor. "Okay, kiddies. Now that we've gotten all the formalities out of the way, let's get to work."

XXX

( _Twenty-Five Minutes Later_ )

"No, _No_ , **_No_**!" the thin man shouted in complete exasperation. "All of you, stop being terrible at everything!"

"Jeez, take a pill, man." Janna replied, sweating and panting slightly. "We're doing the best we can."

"Which is crappy! I mean, Geez-a-loo! It's not rocket science. All you have to do is relax, take a deep breath, and link your conscious and unconscious minds to the core of your very being. What about that is so hard?"

"Are you kidding?" asked Marco annoyedly. "Have you ever _tried_ to relax? It's impossible!"

"No, it's not! You're just being a little baby! And you, Jackie! You act like you don't even know what I'm talking about!"

"Because I don't! I've been asleep half the day. Remember? I'm not even sure I know who you are."

" _Ugh_! You're all so f***ing useless!"

This little impromptu comedy routine went on for several more minutes, but alas, Star heard no more of it. For she was far too busy delving deep into what the common man calls 'The Soul'.

'Hello~ Stand? Can you hear me?' the young princess thought as she attempted to project her words directly into the core of her very being. 'Come on~ I know you're in there. Come on~ Work with me~ Work with me, Stand~'

For a split second, Star thought she felt something; like a sort of spark somewhere deep down inside her. Unfortunately, this was soon overshadowed by a stronger, far less pleasant sensation.

First, there was an overwhelming pressure that built up just behind her eyeballs; followed by a sudden attack of nausea. Then, as suddenly as it began, this all quickly faded away, only to be replaced by an overpowering sense of raw primal fear. It was as if she was just a helpless baby bunny in the paws of some massive, ferocious beast.

When Star finally snapped back to reality, she could tell from the look on his blood-drained face that Haddo had felt the exact same thing. So, it came as no surprise to her when they both ended up shouting,

"We need to get out of here, now!"

But it was already too late.

Suddenly, the earth began to shake and the air was filled with a horrible, gut-wrenching noise; it was like some kind of unholy blend of dragon's roar, screeching metal, and gargling mouthwash.

Unfortunately, before anyone could even try to react, the ground beneath their feet exploded upward, creating a massive cloud of dust and dirt that shot high into the sky. And in that cloud, Star could just barely make out the shape of something huge and horrible rising up from the earth.

Within moments, the dust cleared, and the five teens plus Haddo suddenly found themselves, strangely enough, in the shade of an enormous plant.

And oh, what a sight it was. At least fifty or sixty feet tall, with a stem as thick as a giant redwood. At the top of this stem sat a massive dark purple bulb; roughly 1 ½ times the size of an average SUV. But by far, the most notable thing about it, at least from Star's perspective, was the eerie bioluminescence radiating off the alien flower; it was the same kind of strange glow that came from Haddo's serpents.

There was no doubt about it; this thing was a Stand. And judging from the vibe she got earlier, it definitely wasn't friendly.

Suddenly, the great bulb split in two, revealing a hideous mouth filled with rows upon rows of horrifying, razor sharp teeth. Then, to everyone's great astonishment, it spoke.

"Well, well, well, looky what we got here." The giant plant said mockingly as it seemed to scan over the area with unseen eyes. "A bunch of widdle baby Stand Users out for a fun filled day at the park with daddy. How _precious_."

Haddo, however, was not intimated. In fact, he stood right back up and looked the terrible monster plant right square in the… uh… mouth.

"Alright, listen up, stinkweed!" the thin man shouted, bringing out his own Stand. "I don't know who you think you are, but Echo Creek is _my_ turf! So, unless you want me to expose you to fifty shades of pain, you'd better just run on back to wherever you came from! Otherwise I might have to…"

Whatever Haddo was about to say died in his throat as a large green tentacle suddenly burst forth from the ground and wrapped around his entire body. From there, the glowing vine grew to about half the height of the main plant and then casually tossed him into a nearby tree.

"Some people just don't know when to shut up." The plant monster said jokingly before turning its attention back to the five teens. "Okay kiddies, here's the deal. I've got kind of a stiff neck from driving all night, and I _really_ don't feel up for fighting you five on one unless I have to. So… just tell me which one of you sent out that pulse last night, and I'll let the rest of you go free. Sound good?"

"P-Pulse?" Star asked, sounding uncharacteristically meek and timid. "What pulse?"

"Don't play dumb with me, girl!" the plant monster roared angrily. "You know damn well _what_ _pulse_! That huge ass psychic shockwave that almost gave me a f***ing embolism yesterday! I know it came from around here, so don't even try to screw with me!"

"No, I swear, we have no idea what you're talking about." The young blonde replied frantically. "Look, Mister, please, we're just a bunch of high school students. We don't want any trouble."

"Hmmm…. That didn't feel like a lie. Maybe you're really not the ones I'm looking for after all." The plant creature said thoughtfully, before adopting a much more sinister demeanor. "Meh, whatever. Better safe than sorry."

Just then, a large thorny tentacle burst from the ground on the far side of the clearing, which was quickly joined by another, and then another. Within seconds, the entire field was surrounded by a presumably impenetrable wall of writhing thorns.

Now they were trapped.

Trapped like rats.

" _AH_ -HA-HA-HA-HA-HA- ** _HA_**! Now we're cookin'!" the plant monster laughed maniacally as its voice and mannerisms grew ever more crazed. "Alright, brats! Here it comes! Prepare to witness the awesome power that has decimated entire armies! Behold my Stand! The indomitable **_Octopus Garden_**!"

End Notes:

Big fight coming in the next one, folks.

Until then, I hope you all had fun and I'll see you all next time.

Peace.


	8. Chapter 7

Here it is folks, the moment you've all been waiting for; the big reveal. That being said, Star vs the Forced of Evil is owned by Disney and Stands are the creation of the brilliant and talented Hirohiko Araki. Blah, Blah, Blah. Enjoy.

Stand and Deliver: Chapter 7.

( _Nine Minutes Later_ )

It was a scene of pure and utter bedlam.

All across the field, strange glowing vines were popping out of the ground like weeds.

Some were thin and leathery like bullwhips.

Others were thicker and covered with thorns.

A few were even miniature clones of the main body; complete with full sets of razor sharp teeth.

But regardless of their shape or form, they all moved as one and with only one goal in mind.

To destroy the five young Stand Users.

" _Mega Narwhal Blast_!"

 _"_ _Rainbow Fist Punch_!"

" _Super Waffle Hawaiian Kitty Bacon Nightmare Blast_!"

Star shouted at the top of her voice as she unleashed wave after wave of her most powerful combat spells, but alas, it was all for not. For every time the young princess unleashed her fury upon the vile vines, her magic passed through them like they weren't even there. Even her infamous Warnicorn Stampede and Spider with a Top Hat spells failed to even make a dent.

This was not good.

Star was running out of spells.

But even worse, she was starting to run out of steam.

Elsewhere, her friends were having similar difficulties. Marco's karate skills were equally ineffective against the vicious vines. Jackie and Annie were doing all they could just to dodge. Janna, surprisingly, was nowhere to be seen; which either meant she'd somehow slipped past the wall of thorns without anyone noticing or… something far less pleasant.

Every now and then, she'd hear one of her friends give out a yelp as one of the whip-vines made contact with their bare flesh; which only served to confirm her own worst fears.

'They can hit us, but we can't hit them.' The young blonde thought bitterly as she narrowly avoided having her head bitten off. 'This is **_so_** unfair!'

And all the while, their captor, the mysterious Stand known only as Octopus Garden, watched from on high with mad delight as they futilely tried to dodge its attacks.

"AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA- ** _HA_**! Ain't this a beautiful day to f*** s*** up!" the deranged plant creature cackled wildly. "Run! Run, you little bitches! AH-HA- ** _HA_**! Sweet Christmas! I could do this all day!"

Star gritted her teeth at the enemy plant's bravado. Oh sure, she'd met cocky foes before, but this was different. She could feel the power surging off him like a tidal wave. This guy wasn't being overconfident; he was exactly as strong as he thought he was.

Not good.

" ** _AH_** -HA-HA-HA- ** _HA_**!"

"STOP IT!" the young blonde yelled with righteous fury. "What did we do to deserve this?"

"AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA- ** _HA_**! Didn't anyone tell you, cupcake? This is what it means to be a Stand User! To hunt down and destroy strong opponents! It's in our f***ing DNA!"

"But we're not strong! We can't even summon our Stands yet!"

"Even better! If I kill you now you can't grow up and kill me later! It's called being proactive! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA- ** _HA_**!"

Clearly, trying to appeal to his sense of decency was a waste of time; this guy was completely out of his mind. However, his words did shed some light on something Haddo had said earlier.

 _Thought you could sneak up on me, didn't you? Thought you could kill an old man in his sleep, didn't you?_

'So… this is what you were so afraid of, isn't it sensei?'

Unfortunately, before she could ponder this any further, a familiar girlish cry snapped her back to reality.

" _Gasp_. Marco!"

It was just as she feared. While taking a brief stroll through the garden of her mind, the Enemy Stand User had summoned another of his giant tentacles and used it to snatch up her beloved Latino companion.

And now he was putting the squeeze on him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Marco screamed as the villainous vine started to crush his ribcage.

"Yes~ Yes~ Keep screaming~" the plant Stand said in a wildly inappropriate manner. "Oh~ **_Oh_** ~ This is just **_too_** good!"

Star wanted to scream, but she had no voice. She wanted to run towards them, but her legs would not move. She wanted to fight, but she knew in her heart that that would be pointless. So instead, she did nothing.

And then, something miraculous happened.

An unnatural calm fell over the young princess and for the first time in her life, her chaotic, sugarcoated mind went silent.

It was… _magnificent_.

But then, a single word… no… a single _name_ bubbled up to the forefront of her brain, and without a second thought, she whispered it under her breath.

"Ice-Ice Baby…"

 _WHOOOOOSH!_

Suddenly, a large white blur shot out from Star's body and flew towards the Enemy Stand at an incredible speed. Then, in once swift motion, it froze the offending vine solid, shattered it into a billion tiny pieces, and plucked Marco out of the air just as he started to fall.

" ** _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH_**! _YOU BITCH_!" the plant creature howled in agony, but alas, Star paid him no mind; for she was much to enamored by the beguiling figure that had just landed in front of her.

Before the young princess stood a most remarkable creature. A snow-white fox with fur that glistened in the sunlight and eyes that sparkled like sapphires. It stood at about nine feet tall and walked on its hindlegs like a person. In addition, the beast also sported a set of three flowing tails, a pair of human-like hands, and a medium sized bosom; clearly indicating that it was female.

In short, Star's Stand was almost too beautiful for words.

"You… Y-Y-You're-You're… You're…"

"Uh…Star?" Marco interrupted awkwardly. "Mind letting me down?"

"Oh… right, sorry." She replied embarrassedly, before dropping the young Latino like a sack of potatoes.

"Thanks…"

"No problem." She said sweetly, before quickly remembering the danger they were all in. "But never mind that now. You have to listen to me. Everybody! Look over here and pay attention to me!"

On a reflex, the other girls all turned their eyes toward Star; except for Janna, who was still nowhere to be seen.

"Listen! I figured it out! The key to summoning your Stand is not thinking!"

"What?"

"No, really! Just tune everything out and let your instincts do the work! Trust me!"

"I believe in you, Star~" Annie declared exuberantly, before shutting her eyes and forming a hand gesture that Star assumed she got from some anime.

Then, in an almost cartoonish fashion, a small, lime green creature hopped off her back and struck a dynamic, anime style pose.

"O-M- _G_ ~" the young otaku squealed girlishly as she gazed at the two-foot-tall, pink heart cheeked, red ninja scarf wearing, chibi-style anime frog her soul had just unleashed upon the world. " _SO KAWAII_ ~"

" _Gero! Gero! Party Time!_ " the tiny Stand said in an overly dramatic fashion.

"Oh, uh… okay, Aqua Boogie, use Aqua-Sengan."

" _Gero! Gero!_ _ **Gero**_ _!_ "

Just then, the tiny frog made a strange hand gesture of its own and fired a small, rotating, ball of glowing water out of its mouth with the force of a cannonball. From there, it tore through about two or three dozen of the enemy vines, before triggering an explosion that took out another ten.

" _Woah_ …" Annie squeaked quietly before shouting at the top of her lungs. " ** _I LOVE MY STAND_**!"

" _Whistle_. Dang, girl." Said Jackie, clearly impressed. "Well, I'm not about to let some cosplayer show me up. Let's do this!"

Moments later, a large, human shaped object burst forth from the skater girl's body and launched itself at the remaining tentacles. Then, one after another, it bounced off them like a pinball; splitting each one in half with every ricochet.

Within seconds, the entire field was clear and finally Jackie could get a good look at her Stand. To her eyes, it looked like some sort of ultra-futuristic robot roller derby player; with seafoam green armor and wheels for feet. It was thin and lanky like a skeleton and perfectly streamlined; devoid of any rough surfaces or edges. In short, it was the ultimate speed machine.

"Oh… so _you're_ Pinball Wizard." The young skater chick said amusedly. "Heh, I get it now."

Star couldn't help but beam at this. Even more so at the fact that their captor was still reeling from the attacks. Apparently, his tentacles were as sensitive as they were deadly. Bad news for him, but great news for them.

"Okay, Marco. Now it's your turn." The young princess said exuberantly. "C'mon, show us what you got!"

"Oh, uh… okay." The young Latino replied as he got back onto his feet and went into a fighting stance.

For what felt like minutes, Marco just stood there in his combat pose; muttering something that Star assumed was a mantra he learned in karate class. Then, in a blinding flash of light, a large figure emerged from his body.

To Star's surprise, Marco's Stand looked rather ordinary compared to the others. At first glance, it was almost indistinguishable from a regular human girl; albeit, a large, muscular human girl in a red Chinese dress with jet black hair done up in twin buns. In fact, were it not for her dark blue skin and comically oversized breasts, the young princess would've sworn she wasn't a Stand at all.

"Kung Fu Fighting…" the young Latino muttered, seemingly in a trance, before turning to Star and flashing her a confident smirk. "Star, I've got a plan. Think you could do that freezing thing again on the main plant?"

"Maybe."

"Good enough. Let's do this!"

" ** _AAAAAAAAAAH_**! You smug little bastards!" the plant monster roared, finally regaining most of his senses. "You'll pay for this! As soon as I grow some more limbs you f*****s are as good as…"

"Howl of Winter!" Star shouted heroically.

Almost instantly, her Stand responded by unleashing a devastating gust of wind upon the Enemy Stand; which in turn caused it to start icing over.

" ** _WHAT_**? NO! **_NO_**! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! I'M SUPPOSED TO- ** _AAAAK_**!"

Once the beast was fully encased, Marco sprang into action. And after striking yet another action movie pose, he shouted,

"Ten Thousand Fists of Pain!"

Then, with unbelievable speed and power, the young Latino's Stand started punching the plant's frozen surface; cracking the ice with each mighty blow. Before long, the entire structure was splintered, and with one final, thunderous jab, the whole thing shattered into a billion tiny shards.

Almost immediately, the wall of thorns surrounding the field evaporated, and with nothing left of the main plant save for a large hole in the ground, the truth was all too clear.

The day was won.

And victory was theirs.

Suddenly overcome with elation, Star rushed over to give Marco a well-deserved hug, which he gladly reciprocated. Elsewhere, Jackie and Annie were letting out their own joyfully squeals of victory.

Unfortunately, this celebration was cut short when a familiar voice called out,

"And just what the f*** are you dips***s so happy about?"

Quickly, everyone turned their eyes toward the gaping hole, where they saw a dark-haired man in a light blue suit climbing out of it; obviously the Enemy Stand User.

"You think… _wheeze_ … this is over?" asked the strange man as he crawled towards them on his belly with a crazed look in his eyes. "Oh… this ain't over… _cough_ … _cough_ … not by a **_longshot_**!"

Star, however, was not intimidated. In fact, no one was. Just by looking at him, they could all tell that he was in no shape to keep fighting; his legs were broken, his breathing was laborer, and just about every inch of him was soaked in his own blood. The young princess felt no fear for this mad little cretin; just an overwhelming sense of pity.

However, before anyone could even try to react, a strange figure rose up just behind the crawling madman. Star recognized it instantly from a book Janna had once shown her.

It was Anubis; the Egyptian God of Death.

Quickly, the snarling jackal-god grabbed the blood-soaked Stand User and started sinking back into the ground.

"NO! **_NO_**! LET ME GO! LET ME GO, DAMN IT!" he screamed in horror as his body was slowly swallowed up by the darkness. "NO! PLEASE! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME! **_MOMMY_**!"

And just like that, they were both gone; leaving only an inky black shadow on the ground as a reminder.

For the longest time, no one spoke, or even moved.

They just stood there, their eyes wide with horror, staring at the unnatural black mass that sat ominously on the grass.

Star briefly thought about grabbing her friends and running as fast as her legs could carry her, however this plan was quickly thrown out the window, as a second, much more familiar figure suddenly rose from the pitch blackness.

"J…J-J-J… _Janna_?" the Mewman Princess said with great alarm.

"Oh, hey guys." The young Filipina replied; sounding disturbingly nonchalant. "You'll never guess what I can do."

End Notes:

Before you ask, yes, all the Stand names are music references, just like in Jojo. And no, I'm not going to list out who owns each song/band because that would take too long. However, I will say that the names are not owned by me and I'll leave it at that. Anywho, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you in the next one. Peace.


	9. Chapter 8

This story has gained several new followers in the last few days, so that makes me smile. Anyway, Star vs the Forced of Evil is owned by Disney and Stands are the creation of the brilliant and talented Hirohiko Araki. Now enough chitchat. Enjoy.

Stand and Deliver: Chapter 8.

( _Picking up right where we left off_ )

It was a tense scene in the open field.

Mere moments after defeating the terrifying Octopus Garden, the four young Stand Users had to watch in horror as the fifth member of their group used her own Stand to seemingly cast the Enemy User into an inky black abyss.

Fortunately, Star Butterfly, Princess and Future Queen of Mewni, was there to address the situation with her usual poise and ladylike eloquence.

"Janna! How the? Who the? What the? Huh?

"It's like watching Hemmingway work." The young Filipina said teasingly.

Unfortunately, no one else was in the mood for jokes.

"This isn't funny, Janna." Said Jackie, having rejoined the main group along with Annie. "Did you… Did you just kill that man?"

"Uh… technically, yes. But more technically, no." She replied cryptically. "See, I figured he was gonna die from his injuries anyway, so I just had Bangles send him someplace where he couldn't cause us any more trouble."

"Bangles?"

"My Stand, Marco. Try to keep up."

"Okay, but where exactly did you have _Bangles_ send him?"

"To the lowest pits of Hell."

Once again, a stunned silence fell over the field.

"HA- _HA_! Gullible." The young Filipina said amusedly, instantly shattering said silence. "But seriously, I just dumped him in an alley somewhere about two miles that way. And if my calculations are correct, which they almost always are, our friend should be dead from internal hemorrhaging in about…six to nine minutes."

"Janna, that's horrible!"

"No, it's brilliant." Said an all too familiar voice from just across the way. "It's called taking care of business."

On a reflex, the five teens turned their gazes toward the source of this disturbance, and to no one's surprise, they saw Haddo limping towards them; lightly battered and a little bruised, but otherwise alright.

"Mr. Haddo, you're okay!" Star said excitedly.

"But of course. Takes more than some freak in a psychic plant suit to finish me off."

"Unfortunately."

"Marco, _shush_!" the young princess said disapprovingly. "If it hadn't been for his insight, I wouldn't 've figured out how to summon my Stand and we'd all be dead right now."

"Well, you guys would be. I figured it out long before Star did." Janna cut in, half boasting. "But yeah, Oliver's advice helped me put the pieces together. So, bully for him, I guess."

"Aw, thanks girls. That means a lot." Haddo replied, blushing slightly. "But still, I was hoping this lesson wouldn't go quite so… _horrific_."

"Yeah, who was that nutcase anyway?" asked Annie, if for no other reason than to remind everyone that she was still there.

"Good question, let's find out." The young Filipina said casually as she pulled out a jet-black wallet from her coat pocket; one that Star knew couldn't be hers, since hers was a lovely hot pink.

"Janna, did you steal that guy's wallet?"

"No, I had Bangles do it. I left my gloves at home." Janna answered casually as she examined her prize carefully. "Let's see… according to this, our friend's name was Paul Ringo, and he was a mortgage loan officer from… _Bakersfield_?"

" _What_?"

"No way!"

"You gotta be kidding me!"

" _Gasp_! Oh no! Not _Bakersfield_ ~" Star said playfully, clearly just goofing around; as was her MO. "Yeah… I have no idea what you guys are talking about."

"Star, Bakersfield is a city almost a hundred and twenty miles north of here; the quickest route to which goes through a national forest." Haddo explained, sounding only slightly annoyed by the young blonde's ignorance.

"Yikes. Sounds like a rough trip."

"Exactly, so what the hell was that freak even doing here?"

"Wait… didn't that guy say something about a pulse or some junk?" asked Jackie, scratching the back of her head in contemplation. "I mean, it's kinda hard to remember, what with me almost dying six times in the last half hour."

"No, you're right. I remember that too." Janna chimed in, stroking her chin thoughtfully. "He said something about a… psychic pulse. One that came from somewhere around here sometime yesterday."

"Hmm… around here yesterday…" Haddo muttered musingly, before all the blood drained from his face. "Oh… **_crap_**!"

"What's the matter?"

"Everything! Everything is the matter!" the thin man replied as he started to hyperventilate. "Oh Geez… Oh sweet merciful Heaven… We're so **_screwed_**!"

"Oliver, calm down!" the young Filipina shouted, clearly trying to get him to regain his composure. "Look, whatever's wrong, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."

"You're right, it's worse." He said solemnly. "Remember when I said that Stand Users can sense other Stand Users? Well… I'm afraid it's a little more complicated than that. Fact is, when a Stand User senses a new aura for the first time, there's only one of two things he can do; either run away, or run straight towards it. We can't help it. It's instinct, ya know."

"Okay… but what does that have to do with you freaking out?"

"Well… your average Users can only sense each other from about fifty yards away; heck, even the most gifted ones only have a radius of about half a mile." Haddo explained, once again reminding Star of one of her old tutors. "However, there are instances when a person's aura can become so… um… _intense_ that even a novice Stand User could sense them clear across town; like, for example, when a person's Stand is first activated."

Suddenly, the wheels in Star's head started turning and the pieces started falling into place.

"Wait… so if one Stand activating is enough to alert people on the other side of town…"

"Then five Stands activating at the same time, in roughly the same location, is enough to give Users the shakes as far as Bakersfield, or even farther." Haddo said, completing her train of thought. "Who knows how many more Stand Users are on their way right now. Hell, Echo Creek could already be crawling with them."

"So what?" asked Marco, demonstrating a strange new air of confidence. "Once we figured out how to summon them, our Stands beat that plant freak like he was nothing. And we'll do the same thing to any other Enemy Users that come our way."

"Kid, you only won that fight cuz you had him outnumbered. One on one, it would've been a whole different story." The thin man countered, clearly trying to act as the voice of reason. "Now don't get me wrong, you kids have got some pretty impressive Stands, but right now they're too raw, too untrained, and a more experienced Stand User will know how to take advantage of that. Besides, that Ringo guy was nothing compared to some of the stories I've heard."

"What kind of stories?" asked Star, sounding more curious than fearful.

"1193: the Italian Count, Raphael Barone, created a utopian pocket universe for himself inside an old wine barrel. 1589: the rabbi Judah Loew ben Bezalel used his Stand to defend the Prague ghetto from pogroms by filling the attackers' lungs with wet clay. 1877: British gambler Melvin Demetri imprisoned the soul of a fellow poker player within a Jack of Clubs for refusing to pay off his dept. 1956: Minnesotan housewife Abbigail Twitch took revenge on her two-timing husband and his mistress by transforming them both into French poodles. 2009: an Egyptian businessman whose name I can't remember right now saved fifty people from a suicide bombing by _literally_ eating the explosion. And the list goes on and on throughout recorded history."

"Okay… but what's your point?"

"My point, _Marco_ , is that when it comes to Stand Users, always expect the strange and bizarre. And right now, we have an unknown number of these strange, bizarre, potentially hostile entities inbound for this very location. For all we know, Echo Creek could be a warzone by sunrise."

"And it's all my fault." Star said suddenly; so suddenly that even she was a little surprised she'd said it.

"Whoa, Star, that… that's just not true."

"Yes, it is, Marco!" the young princess countered caustically. "Yes, it is. This is all my fault. If I'd been paying attention yesterday… If I hadn't been goofing around, then… then Mr. Haddo would have his dream job and we wouldn't have to worry about an army of crazy psychic monster people. I've completely screwed up everyone's lives… just like I always do."

In that moment, Star's guilt made her insides twist into a hideous and painful knot. She wanted very much for someone to come and offer her some form of comfort.

Fortunately, she didn't have to wait long.

"Ah, lighten up, blondie." Haddo said, in a gruff but sympathetic tone. "If anyone's to blame for this mess, its me."

"W-What?"

"I'd 've had my dream job a long time ago if I wasn't such a heavy drinker. Hell, I wouldn't even need a job if I hadn't wasted all of my inheritance money on booze and blow." The thin man said solemnly, before shifting gears ever so slightly. "But none of that really matters now. What matters is that more Stand Users are on the way, and if they're crazy enough to run towards a psychic pulse that powerful, I guarantee they won't be friendly."

"So, what do we do?" asked Jackie nervously.

"Well, and it pains me to say this, but I'm afraid Marco had the right idea. We'll have to fight them. And by we, I mean you. You know, since my Stand is… well, noncombative."

"But you said…."

"I know what I said, smartass. And I stand by it. However, I am willing to lend you my expertise in order to help you master your Stands, so you'll be ready when the wolves are at your door."

"Really? That's gre…"

"Just a second, Star." Marco cut in; shooting the older man a distrustful glare. "Why so eager to help us all of a sudden?"

"Because despite all evidence to the contrary, I don't wanna see children die." Haddo replied bluntly. "And besides, Echo Creek is my home too, and I… I really don't have anywhere else to go. So if the city gets destroyed, its back to sleeping in bus stations for me."

"Not to mention the little matter of your infatuation with the ever so lovely Ms. Jojo of Lucky Land~" Janna chimed in teasingly.

"Yeah… there's that too."

"So, basically, you're only helping us to help yourself." Marco said bitingly.

"Look, you don't have to like me. But consider the alternative." Haddo replied, gesturing towards the large bloodstain Ringo had left on the grass.

His point was well made.

"Well, I'm up for it." Said Janna, clearly trying to get the ball rolling. "I mean, it's not like we've got much of a choice."

"If Janna's in then I'm in."

"Me too! I mean, if that's alright with you, _Star_ ~"

"Fine by me, cuz you know I'm all over this. What about you, Marco?"

"Ugh… fine! But I've got my eye on you, Haddo."

"Fair enough." The thin man said with a casual shrug. "But listen, if we're gonna do this, let's do it right."

He paused for a brief moment to clear his throat, and then adopted the most gentlemanly tone he could muster.

"Allow me to properly introduce myself. My name, my _real_ name, is Jefferson. Jefferson Speedwagon."

XXX

( _Somewhere a short distance away_ )

Unbeknownst to our young heroes, a lone figure was watching from the shadows.

"Brando's Log: Supplemental: Entry 4982." The strange man spoke softly into an outmoded tape recorder. "My hypothesis was correct. Ringo proved himself to be a useful pawn. Regrettably, he did not survive the experiment, but I would hardly call this a failure. Thanks to his efforts, I now have six new potential pawns to put through the ringer. Time will tell if they are fit to serve in my army."

"Furthermore, I would like to thank Mr. Ringo for offering me the perfect opportunity to gather vital intel. With their endorphins high and their focus on survival, Witchdoctor was able to infiltrate their minds without their knowledge. As far as I know, they are still none the wiser."

"Subject 1: Jefferson Speedwagon. Strengths: Intelligence and extensive knowledge of Stand history and mechanics. Weaknesses: Low self-esteem, coupled with extreme alcohol and chemical dependency. Early Assessment: Too unstable to be useful.

"Subject 2: Jackie Lynn Thomas. Strengths: Athleticism and ingenuity. Weaknesses: Lack of combat experience and hemophobia. Early Assessment: Warrants further study."

"Subject 3: Annie Lightfoot. Strengths: Creativity and boundless enthusiasm. Weaknesses: Low self-esteem and fear of rejection. Early Assessment: Warrants further study."

"Subject 4: Janna Ordonia. Strengths: Genius level intellect and ingenuity. Weaknesses: severe paternal abandonment issues and antisocial behavior bordering on moral insanity. Early Assessment: too unstable to be useful."

"Subject 5: Marco Diaz. Strengths: Athleticism and above average intelligence. Weaknesses: multiple insecurities and short temper. Early Assessment: Warrants further study."

"Subject 6: Star Butterfly… oh… well this is interesting."

"From her mind, I can see visions of other worlds… other dimensions."

"Hmm… Mewni… a land of magic… and monsters?"

"Oh~ Well don't _they_ look interesting."

"These… monsters… they're not exactly human, but they're not magic based either."

"I wonder if the arrow would work on them?"

"Certainly worth a try, but how would I…"

" _Oh_ ~ Dimensional Scissors. How fascinating."

"Hek-A-Poo? Oh! Hekapoo. The Scissors Enforcer."

"She hands out the Dimensional Scissors."

"I wonder how I can get her attention?"

End Notes:

Blah, Blah, Blah, I don't own any of the Stand names either, Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.

Thanks for reading.

Peace.


	10. Epilogue

Yes, this is really the finale chapter. And no, I don't feel like explaining why. vs the Forced of Evil is owned by Disney and Stands are the creation of the brilliant and talented Hirohiko Araki. Yadda, Yadda, Yadda. Enjoy.

Stand and Deliver: Epilogue.

( _Echo Creek, California: May 12, 2046_ )

"So, from then on, Jefferson was our teacher." Said Queen Star, bringing her story to what she felt was an appropriate ending. "And in time, he became one of our dearest, and most dependable of friends."

"Whoa…" Artemis said in hushed amazement. "Mom… you… you used to be cool!"

"Um… thank you, Artemis… I think."

"No, but seriously, how did you go from _that_ to… well… _this_?"

"Yes… well… that's a story for another time." The Snow Queen said, doing her level best to hide her irritation. "Besides, we're already an hour late for…"

"Beneath her piercing, hawk-like gaze, her foes are sure to fall." Said a woman's voice from somewhere close behind; a hint of mischief in its tone. "With a heart of ice and nerves of steel, she is Mewni's Iron Wall."

On a reflex, the older woman spun around, and for the first time in years her face formed an expression of pure, mindless joy.

There, less than ten feet away, stood a woman roughly her own age, with short black hair and dark brown eyes. She was… rather stout, for lack of a better word, and dressed rather conservatively. But although she'd changed quite a bit since their last encounter, Star recognized the middle-aged Filipina right off the bat.

"Well, well, well, Star Butterfly. Fashionably late as usual, I see." The woman said with an almost arrogant sort of smirk. "So fashionable that you missed the whole shebang. What happened? Did King Good-Times keep you up late last night?"

"It's nice to see you too, Janna." The Snow Queen said fondly, apparently ignoring the rather rude insinuation.

"Wait, _that's_ Janna?" asked Artemis dumbfoundedly. "Wow, she's a lot fatter than I was expecting-AAAAAK!"

"I'm sorry, dearie. I'm a little deaf in this ear. Mind saying that again?" the stout woman said in a voice like poisoned honey as the ethereal hand of her Stand clutched the young princess' throat like a vice. "You know, someday your metabolism is gonna slow down too. And when that day comes, you're gonna wish you'd been nicer to me."

"Janna, put her down." The Queen said dryly, clearly indicating that this wasn't a request.

"Yes, yes, whatever you say, Your Majesty." The older Filipina said sarcastically as she dropped the young princess like a sack of potatoes. "Jeez, when did you get so uptight?"

"Um… excuse me, Madame Janna." Marisol spoke up suddenly, using the sweetest, most demure tone she could muster. "I apologize for my sister's rudeness. And if I may say so, it is an honor to finally meet you. Mother has spoken very highly of you."

"Aw~ Well aren't you Little Miss Manners." Janna replied affectionately, before turning back to Star with another cheeky grin. "You sure this one's really yours?"

"Heh-Heh, yes, well, let's get on to the proper introductions, shall we." The Snow Queen said dryly before moving on to the usual pomp and circumstance. "Girls, this is Professor Janna Ordonia; Head of the English Department at Harvard University. Janna, these are my daughters; Princesses Artemis and Marisol Butterfly."

At this, the stout old professor suddenly burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

" ** _AH_** -HA-HA-HA- ** _HA_**! You… You actually named one of your daughters after Skullnick's old hamster!" she said, holding her rounded sides as if to keep them from splitting. "And… And Marco said you'd lost your sense of humor."

"Marco was here? Is he still around?" the Queen asked hopefully; but unfortunately, her daughter cut her off before she could get an answer.

"A _hamster_?" she asked incredulously. "But Mummy, you said I was named after one of Daddy's great aunts!"

"Yes… well… the thing about that is… um… So, Janna… uh… how was the funeral?"

"It was fine." The stout professor replied dryly. "It was also _yesterday_."

"I beg your pardon?"

"The _funeral_ was _yesterday_ , Star." The stout woman repeated, with more than a hint of amusement in her voice. "Jackie left you a message days ago, telling you to be here on the eleventh."

"But… but Solaris said…" the Snow Queen began, before her expression fell into one of mild annoyance. "Ugh… Solaris… I should have known. He never was any good with Earth Calendars."

"Well, that's what you get for marrying an artist."

"Yes, I suppose you're right."

A sudden awkward silence fell over the area, but luckily Her Majesty quickly found the words to break it.

"So… how did it happen?" she asked tentatively.

"How do you think." Janna replied bluntly. "He was seventy-five years old. He drank like a fish and smoked like a chimney. I'm honestly surprised he made it this long."

"Janna, are you alright?"

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be? I mean, it's not like we were related or anything. He was just my stepdad." The stout professor answered defensively. "Besides, he was a stupid, selfish old crank. He never listened to me. He never took care of himself. He cost me five of my sick days. And now… and now I'm stuck out here in the damn rain."

"But, Janna, the rain stopped a while…" the words died in the Snow Queen's throat as she noticed several 'raindrops' rolling down her old friend's cheeks. "Yes… the rain. It's… it's simply dreadful out here today."

"Damn straight."

"So… um… Janna, how… how is your mother taking this tragedy?"

"About as well as can be expected." She answered, wiping away the 'raindrops'. "Hell, she's the only reason I'm still in this rattrap. The others all went home right after the graveside service."

"Oh… I see." Star said disappointedly. "That's too bad. I so wanted the girls to meet them. How are they?"

"Meh, they're alright. Jackie's still wacked out of her mind on those frickin' mushrooms of hers. But hey, I guess that's one of the perks of being a cult leader."

"Now, Janna, that's just not true. Jackie is a highly respected spiritual guide and a bestselling author."

"Blah, Blah, Blah. She's a new age tree hugger spouting crap that comes from a fungus your old pal _Kelly_ got her hooked on."

"Alright, alright, let's not start that argument again. How's Annie? How's she doing?"

"Don't know. She couldn't make it either. Apparently, she and the other Valkyries are busy fighting some giant whatsit in the something-or-other galaxy. But if you ask me, Oscar probably begged her not to come. Little cretin always hated the old man."

"Well can you blame him? I mean, he wasn't exactly nice to him back when they were first dating. He was always trying to convince Annie to dump him."

"Oh yeah… I can still hear him, ' _Jeez-a-loo, Lightfoot, what're you still doing with that stupid hipster doofus_ '."

"Yes, he always did have a certain way with words. So, um… how's Marco doing these days?"

"Oh~ Still carrying the old torch, eh Queenie?"

" _What_? No! I… I assure you, it's nothing of the sort." The Snow Queen replied, blushing slightly. "Janna, I'm a happily married woman. I just… we used to be so close, and now the only time I ever get to see him is when he picks up his wife to take her out to lunch."

"Speaking of whom, Hekapoo was at the service too; being her usual _charming_ self."

"Ugh. Now I'm glad I'm a day late. I get enough of that… _woman_ at the weekly Commission meetings."

"I can imagine."

"Um… pardon me." Marisol spoke up suddenly, still trying to sound as sweet and polite as possible. "I do hate to interrupt, but… if there is indeed no funeral being held today, then what are we to do here the rest of the day?"

A fair question, Her Majesty had cleared her entire day for this. But now that there was no funeral to attend and no old friends to reconnect with, she couldn't help but feel a little jilted; if only by the winds of fate.

"You know, it's almost noon. And from the looks of it, you bozos haven't even had breakfast yet." The stout professor said with her usual air of mischief. "Wanna head over to Tonio's for a quick bite?"

"Oh, I used to love that place. I can't believe it's still open."

"Well, believe it, Queenie. And it's just right down the block. Come on, we'll take the rugrats for some linguini and then you can go pay your respects. What do you say?"

"Well… I suppose there's no harm in it. What do you think, girls?"

"I think it's a positively lovely ide…"

"AW YEAH!" Artemis chimed in boisterously, unintentionally cutting off her twin sister. "Lunch from another dimension! Finally, we get to do something cool!"

"Heh-heh. Well then I guess it's unanimous." The Snow Queen said with a warm sort of half smile. "Alright, Janna, lead the way."

"With pleasure, Your Highness." She replied, half mockingly.

And with that, the four females made their way slowly down the soggy sidewalk.

However, after about a minute or so, the twin princesses grew bored of the silence and moved over so they could walk beside the older Filipina.

"Um… excuse me, Professor Ordonia?" asked Marisol politely.

"Cut the formalities, kid. Just call me Aunt Janna."

"Oh… um…alright, Aunt Janna. I was just wondering…"

"How did Mom become such a stick in the mud?"

"Artemis!" Star said sternly. " _Not_ an appropriate time."

"Yeah, and besides that's a dull story anyway." Janna cut in suddenly, after shooting Star a sympathetic look. "Say, did your mom ever tell you about the time we tried to resurrect a dead clown?"

"EWW~ I don't want to hear this."

"I do! I do! I do!"

"Heh-Heh. Alright, it all started one afternoon about a week before the big Spring Dance."

Janna didn't stop talking, but Star had stopped listening.

She wasn't even on the sidewalk anymore.

She was standing on the roof of Echo Creek Academy.

She was standing over a young girl's body; watching the life drain from her eyes.

She was watching a person become an inanimate object.

"Hey, Mom, are you coming or what?" asked Artemis, bringing the Snow Queen back to the present.

"Oh, um… yes dear." She answered clumsily. "I'm right behind you."

And she instantly quickened her pace.

End Notes:

Coming soon…

Part 2: Highway to Hell. (Marco Centric)

Part 3: Flowers and Brimstone. (Jackie Centric)

Part 4: 1-Up Girl. (StarFan Centric)

Part 5: TBA. (Janna Centric)

Part 6: Mewni's Iron Wall. (Star Centric)

Part 7: TBA. (Finale)

FYI: The names are tentative and could easily be changed between now and when they're published.

So, until next time.

Peace.


End file.
